Morrigan's Call Retreat 2015

A ritual honoring Badb at the Retreat

   I have just returned from the second annual Morrigan's Call Retreat and once again find myself sitting here trying to put into words an experience that is really impossible to describe. Last year the Retreat was new and smaller, fewer people, a wild and otherworldly location, and the energy of the entire weekend was a challenge to step up and answer Her call. This year was very different: more people, a new location that had more of civilization to it, and an energy that was not about hearing Her call as much as about reclaiming ourselves and our own power in this world.
   Some things did remain the same throughout. We saw an amazing mix of people from every possible background, witch and Wiccan, Druid and CR, Avalonion and eclectic, coming together to honor Her with one voice. We saw the same sense of kinship across lines that normally sharply divide, created by the common ground of a shared respect for the Great Queens. And we saw the same spirit of community ensuring that people were taken care of, that jobs were done, that when the unexpected happened there was always someone there to step up and make sure it was covered. Oh, it was far from perfect, and there was frustration and displeasure and things that went entirely off the plan but somehow the diverse strands were woven together anyway.
   The first day, as always, was the most chaotic, with people arriving and settling in, the Temple being set up through community effort and donations of material and sacred items (for the duration of the event). There were several great classes the first afternoon that I would have loved to attend, but I was teaching a workshop myself and then participating in the ritual. All of the ritual's at the Retreat are part of a larger arc, first cleansing, then challenging, then blessing; participants face the three Morrigna one at a time and, if circumstances are right and the priestess is able, may face Her in truth as She is channeled, aspected, or otherwise chooses to appear during ritual. The first night's ritual was dedicated to Badb and was very much about releasing and washing away what need to be let go of. The ritual itself was done next to a river and due to unanticipated circumstances started after dark with only a single fire at the center of the ritual space to illuminate the area. I cannot speak for the people who attended but I found it both a test of our commitment to Her and a very sacred experience.

the main altar in the temple

  The second day began on very little sleep and with a packed schedule ahead. I had two workshops during the day to teach and a second ritual to help with. My first workshop was directly after breakfast and was on the topic of Macha in mythology, always a fun subject. I was able to attend only one workshop all weekend and that was Jhenah Telyndru's class on Morgan and Avalon, but I enjoyed it and learned a new method of meditation called embodiment that I look forward to doing more with. I co-taught a workshop on grounding, centering, and shielding with Mayra Rickey and Melody Legaspi-Seils which I think went very well. Throughout the day I had many great random discussions with people and I both reconnected with old friends and made new ones. The second ritual was for Macha, and was - not surprisingly - the one I anticipated the most since she is the Goddess I am dedicated to. It focused on the theme of facing Her blade and declaring what you would fight for in life. One of my tasks as Her priestess is to carry Her sword in this ritual, and I am always honored to do it.
  After ritual there was a community feast and concert by Mama Gina, who is an amazing storyteller and singer that truly, I think, deserves the title of bard. Hearing her perform her song "Ruby" live raised the hair on my arms; its so much more evocative live than recorded (although that is still worth hearing too). There seemed to be a nice feeling of conviviality among everyone as we shared food and great music together. The cake that the caterer, Dawn DeMeo, had prepared for the feast was beyond amazing, and I must add that she made a second smaller cake for those of us who couldn't have the gluten/regular flour version which was equally amazing. (And yes, for anyone wondering, the first pieces went as offerings, to be sure that the Gods and spirits shared the feast too).

The epic cake from the feast

   The third day began with breakfast and a panel discussion on honoring the Morrigan, during which I hope I didn't talk too much. It's a subject I have so much passion about that I'm afraid I can't help but want to talk about it a lot. I know my fellow panelists are amazing people, and I loved the diversity of experience and opinion that we brought to it. There was a charity raffle for the Wounded Warrior Project. The raffle draw was great fun and people really seemed to enjoy it. I had donated a book or two and Wouldn't you know the one time my ticket was called it was for my own book? (They let me substitute a different item, but it was quite funny).
   Afterwards I had to prep for the final ritual, dedicated to Morrigan as Anu and to people reclaiming their sovereignty. In the ritual people were asked to come forward and place their hands on a stone, representing the stone of sovereignty, and to say out loud if they were ready to reclaim their power. This was meant to be a simple act but as sometimes happens it became a bit more complex. Everyone also received a small rough ruby as a symbol of having gone through the three rituals and claimed a place - symbolic, literal, or however each person chooses to incorporate it - as one of Her ravens. For that, truly is not for us to decide but for the individual to find meaning in, based in how the rituals effected them personally.
    In each ritual I did my best to serve Her, and Them, and my community. I wore a small silver pendant, of the type that people keep ashes in to commemorate loved ones; this pendant carries clay from Uaimh na gCat, the Cave of Cats, from Cruachan. The earth was a gift from a friend who visited there long ago, and carefully kept the wet clay that coated her clothing when she came out, saving it as it dried. I felt that having soil from her sacred place present at the rituals was significant for helping to have Her present as we called Her in to a new place. One of Her other priestesses, dedicated to Badb, bled into the river as the river took its due before the first ritual, and in the first Her people called her with chants and shouts and screams. And I truly believe she answered with Her presence.
   I received some personal messages through various means throughout the weekend, through an amazing Avalonian priestess and through omens and portents, messages of empowerment and of affirmation. It will not be easy to move forward in the strength other people are telling me I have, or that I know she wants for me but I will try. I will try.
    The Morrigan's Call Retreat was once again an amazing experience. I will never cease to be amazed at seeing so many people from so many backgrounds and who follow such different paths coming together in fellowship. Knowing that we can overcome these differences to come together and honor the same Goddesses without argument or judgment gives me such hope. And the irony that a Goddess of War can inspire such unity and fellowship among Her followers is beautiful and joyous and somehow entirely appropriate.

The river

Copyright Morgan Daimler

Preconceived Notions and Being a Goth Pagan

  I've been thinking lately about stereotypes and the way that preconceived notions and expectations shape our larger pagan community. Pervasive buggers, you know, stereotypes creep in where we least expect them. Just when we think we're in a safe place, a place free of preconceived judgments, bam! we run headfirst into one. We all experience this, I think, some of us to greater degrees than others, depending on who we are and what we identify as.
   There is a certain anonymity on the internet. To many people I'm just a name, a collection of words, without features or description. In some cases without even gender*. People who don't know me in person or who don't know me well may, and sometimes do, have very specific notions of who I am or what they envision me as. This preconceived image is sometimes very far from reality. How would you picture me, if you don't know me? You might be quite surprised by the reality. I rather imagine the same is true for most of us.
    This can become a shield, a place to hide where our true identity is not shown especially when we know that Self will draw criticism or ridicule. People can create entirely new identities, make themselves into what they wish they were rather than what they are. It can allow us to interact with people who might otherwise never speak to us based on real life qualities, such as dress or appearance. The anonymity of the internet not only allows us to create our persona for others, if we choose to, but it also can make us a blank slate to others which they then imagine as they see fit.
    It can also, conversely, encourage people to express their prejudices without realizing they are speaking directly to someone in the group they are mocking. As part of several subcultures and marginalized groups I've gotten used to it, although it does still occasionally bother me. I've lost track of how often I've seen people within the wider pagan community making off-hand comments that belittle or make fun of groups I belong to. Words are weapons, and casual words can be far more painful than intended.
   I am Goth and I am pagan. I have been pagan for a few years longer than I've been Goth, and one has nothing directly to do with the other, but both are important aspects of my life. Both are part of who I am.
  I have been told, years ago, by someone I respected very much at the time that I need to stop dressing like a stereotypical witch because it made all witches look less respectable.
  I have been told that people like me are why others don't want to call themselves pagan.
  I have been told that when I get a bit more experience or have been pagan for longer** I'll outgrow wanting to wear black
  I have been told that it's sad that I want attention so bad I'm willing to play into the stereotype.
  I have been told that no one will take me seriously as long I keep dressing Goth.
  I have been told that I must be a Satanist, not a pagan, or I wouldn't dress that way.
  And on and on and on.
  There seems to be an assumption that if you are Goth and pagan you must be a newbie, and seeking attention, and not very serious, and confused, and melodramatic. Goth pagans are rarely taken seriously in my experience and are very often criticized, even publicly shamed, for their perceived insincerity, youth, inexperience, and negative reflection on the rest of pagandom.
  Let's be clear here. Goth is a subculture based in a variety of things including fashion, music and a certain macabre aesthetic. It reflects what I like and what I am comfortable with. Paganism (Irish Reconstructionism and witchcraft) is my religion. It reflects a certain worldview, cosmology and core set of beliefs. The two, subculture and religion, are not at odds and I have found they go well enough together in my life. Why my fashion choices and taste in music bother some of my coreligionists so much kind of baffles me, but I think its only fair if I can accept pagans who like Country music and denim, or Pop music and tube tops, then my personal tastes can be accepted or at least ignored.

   I'm proud of who I am, and I think I shouldn't be judged on my appearance, anymore than anyone else should be. I also think that the idea of paganism being accepted by the mainstream if we all just dress and act like the mainstream is a dangerous myth. Not only does it encourage us to try to enforce homogeneity within paganism which destroys our beautiful diversity, but it sells us a false hope that if only we act normal enough we can be treated just like the religious majority. Not because we have equal rights, not because we deserve equal treatment, but because we fit in so well that they like us enough to give us what we deserve. Think about that for a minute. Really think about it - do you want equal treatment because its owed to you, or because the powerful people decide they feel like doling it out like a table scrap?
   Sometimes generalizing is necessary, but its worth considering that if you don't personally belong to a subculture it may be unwise to think you can pass judgment on that subculture. So many of the hurtful things that I see being said are rooted in ignorance and misunderstandings that could be avoided with a bit of open-mindedness and a willingness to listen. It is also worth keeping in mind that sometimes the person who most looks like you expect a certain "type" of person to look may in fact be the least like your expectation.
  It is worth remembering when we find another person's ways confusing, as Neitzsche said "You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

* I have been mistaken for male on multiple occasions in discussion groups and on email lists, because of my name.
** I've been pagan since 1991 and Goth since around '94-ish. At this point I think its safe to say I'm not going to outgrow either.

Copyright Morgan Daimler

What Makes A God?

  I'm going to start out by saying clearly, I don't have any answers to this question and I don't think there is an answer. It's a question that inevitably leads to more questions. And I think that's a good thing - we should question this, we should ask ourselves the hard things like this. Without the hard questions there will never be any real growth or deep theology.

  This may - or may not - surprise people but this particular question is one I contemplate regularly. My spiritual practice includes not only beings from acknowledged pantheons who are, generally, agreed to be Gods by  most people's definitions but also beings who I term the liminal Gods who may or may not fit that definition and a wide array of spirits that I consider powerful and influential but not divine. And here is where we hit the crux of this question - how do we define a God?
  According to the dictionary* a god is a being with supernatural powers that controls an aspect of reality and can be worshiped. This presents a problem, however, for animists and those of us who work with diverse spirits because that definition could apply to many spirits who I would not necessarily call Gods. My house spirit is essential to many things and influential over my home, but I wouldn't call him a God. In the same way the Fair Folk can be very powerful and able to influence our world, but I wouldn't call them Gods, even though I offer to them and petition them for luck and blessings.
   Does worship alone make something a God? Certainly Gods are offered to, prayed to, and given acknowledgement for their worth**. Human ancestors and the Other Crowd are also offered to and given respect, and prayed to yet they aren't usually seen as Gods. This also invites the line of thought that it is humans who create and maintain Gods, putting humans, ultimately, at the top of the cosmic food chain. It also opens the questions of what happens to Gods without worshipers, and whether the God with the most followers would be the most powerful.
   Does historic precedent make something a God? That of course immediately leads to the chicken-egg dilemma as we must establish how long something has to exist or be worshiped to be a God, however it can also be helpful to look at whether something was previously considered a divinity. Also this creates a catch-22 with deified humans like Imhotep who clearly weren't Gods originally but clearly were later. And this line of thought would entirely eliminate the possibility of new Gods in our time by arguing that only pre-existing acknowledged Gods were actually divine.
   Does power make something a God? This tends to be my own measuring stick, but even this has its flaws as there are far more blurred lines than clear cut ones. What can something influence and to what degree? What are the beings limits? Of course even Gods have limits, but the power of a God should be greater than that of a ghost or a house spirit, in my opinion.
   Does area of influence make something a God? Or in other words does it have geographic limitations? Is it stationary? Some people will argue this one, because some people do see Gods as tied to locations. Even in my own belief there's a grey area here as the liminal Gods can vary by location, but they are not bound by their environment or preferred area. One measure of a God may be how far its influence extends and how much the being themselves can go. Is it a local spirit or does its influence extend or shift? Can it only manifest or effect things in one place? Or does its influence extend anywhere it chooses to go?
   These are only a few questions that come to my mind when we ask what makes something a God. There are many more that we could ask as well, and its up to each of us to decide how we feel about each question. Because in the end there is no simple answer for the question of what makes something a God.
   Ask yourself these questions, and find your own answers. I know what I think, but you don't need me to tell you how I define a God. You need to find the Truth that speaks to you, find your own understanding of this. Because my God may be your Good Neighbor, and your God may be my fictional character, and that other God over there may be someone else's archetype. Ultimately no one can tell any of us what to believe about this. We must find our own answers.

* Merriam Webster
** worship: Middle English worshipe worthiness, respect, reverence paid to a divine being, from Old English weorthscipe worthiness, respect, from weorthworthy, worth + -scipe -ship http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/worship

Copyright Morgan Daimler

On Being *That* Guy

  Everyone knows that guy*, the person who is always one of the first ones to speak up about paganism or polytheism, even though they don't really know that much about it. The one who puts down other religions while simultaneously complaining bitterly about religious persecution. The one who is certain that all the debunked bad history is actually true, from the Burning Times (tm) to all-male Druids, from the Golden Age of Matriarchy to the ancient neolithic Wiccans. And no amount of discussion, logic, or evidence can dissuade that guy from their very loud opinions. That guy is the one who makes more experienced people wince or roll their eyes, or in some cases lose their tempers.
   We're all quick to complain about that guy, to criticize and, if we're honest, to go after that guy one way or another: to try to prove them wrong, or teach them, to show them up, or maybe just shut them up. When that guy appears in a discussion, with their loud declarations and boundless belief, you can watch the newer people's eyes widening in confusion and uncertainty and the more expereinced people bristling and girding for battle. We commiserate with each other, present a united front, and advise everyone else not to be that guy. No one gets less sympathy than that guy.
  The thing is - we were all that guy, once upon a time. Maybe not as loudly, or as spectacularly. Maybe not at a time when social media made being that guy a ringside event that people need popcorn for. But we, at least most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, went through that phase in our spirituality where we bordered on zealot and our beliefs were like boulders, even when those beliefs were spun of wishful thinking and fantasy. Most of us have had that time when defending the faith was a badge of honor, even if we were defending it against dragons that looked a lot like windmills to everyone else. If you didn't, if you avoided ever, even once, being that guy, then good on you but I think its something most of us go through. I certainly look back now at a certain, shall we say, enthusiastic period of my spiritual life with a blush and a shrug.
   I'm writing about this today because, as strange as this might sound, I think we need to give that guy a break. When they are foaming at the mouth over things that seem like shadows to us, when they are exuberantly insisting that fantasy is history, when they are loudly declaring their personal spirituality to be the entirety of paganism for everyone, everywhere, I think we need to remember what it felt like to be in that place in our own journey. When that outer passion was maybe covering an absolute terror of being wrong, when that exuberance was disguising a desperate desire to fit in and belong somewhere. Think back to what made you that guy, once upon a time, and try to have a bit of empathy for someone else who is perhaps in that same place. And maybe ask yourself why that guy bothers you so much to begin with.
   Don't stop not being that guy of course, and don't stop living and speaking your own truth. And by all means let that guy know there are other options, other ways, and for the love of the Gods better history. But instead of doing it with words aimed like a sword point or arguments that land like fists, maybe try to listen to what's really being said, and the message behind what's being said, and answer with kindness and an open dialogue.
  It's an idea anyway.

*guy used here in a gender neutral sense, applicable equally to males or females. And yes I really do talk that way in real life.

Copyright Morgan Daimler