2012 Reflections

 Today is New Year's eve and like last year I am spending the day reflecting on the past 12 months. Later tonight I will honor Frau Holle and see the old year out while welcoming the new in, but I find that the best way to let go of the past year is to really look at what it has taught me. Often it seems that there is an underlying theme to each year; in 2011 it was loss and endings. Fittingly 2012 seems to have been about both beginnings and limitations.
   I am not a patient person - once I set my mind to something I tend to put all of my energy into it and I want to see results. This has usually been a good quality, but this past year I found myself repeatedly being in situations were I was forced to go slowly or which took longer than I wanted. This has, overall, been a good thing as I have learned to take life slower and enjoy the experience more while anticipating the end result less. Learning to see limitations in a positive light has definitely been a good thing and I think I am less concerned about other people judging me by what I do or produce, and more concerned with making the most of what I can do.
  This year has also brought several great opportunities related to my writing. I have been putting more energy into this blog, and have also started blogging for a local ecumenical website, as well as being offered an opportunity to blog once a month for another site. I wrote several books this year, from my own poetry book to a children's book on the Fairy Faith, and have a book on Druidism coming out within the next few months through Moon books. I'm definitely proud of all these accomplishments, and I feel that writing has helped me focus myself as well as sharing different views and information with others.
   Spiritually this year's challenges have helped me better understand my own views and faith. Whereas in 2011 I felt rather adrift and lost spiritually I think that has been resolved this year, although it took me being willing to go back to the very beginning of my spiritual path and really take a hard look at not only what I believe and why, but what is the most spiritually fulfilling for me. I had drifted into a place where I was letting other people's expectations and needs direct where I was going rather than following what made me happy. That was a mistake, and while it took some serious misery in 2011 to make me see that, in 2012 I have channeled that in a positive way. It isn't just that I accept my own liminality now, but also that I embraced it.
    I went out yesterday, after my area was gifted with 8 inches of snow from Winter Storm Freyr, and looked up to see a rainbow shining directly above me house. I feel that this can only be a good omen for the year to come and I am excited to see what 2013 will bring.
   What has been the theme for your year? Are you ready to move forward into a new year?

In Memorial ~ Christine Winkler

 On Sunday, December 23rd, one of the strongest, most intense, women I have ever known passed from this world to the next after a hard fight against cancer. In the past four years she had fought and beat cancer four times, but this fifth round proved insurmountable. My life will forever be poorer without her in it, and I miss her very much already.
   I met Christine, affectionately nicknamed "Herb Lady", about 7 years ago through my friend's store. There is no one else quite like her, with her ascerbic opinions and take-no-prisoners attitude. At first I couldn't tell if she liked me or hated me but over time I learned that being blunt was her approach to everything; if she liked something she said as much and if she didn't like it then she made that clear. You never questioned where you stood with Christine or wondered if she was being honest with you. Over time it became an endearing quality and I learned to appreciate her unique approach to life.
   Christine, who was an excellent herbalist, taught me to identify plants, especially herbs, that grew wild in Connecticut. Because of her I know Woody Nightshade when I see it, and can identify Mullein and Mugwort. She also taught me ways to use the things I found, especially for healing and magic. At random intervals she would appear with her arms full of Wormwood, Mugwort or Sage from her garden and talk to me about how to dry and use them. Every year she would bring me homemade smudge sticks, sometimes plain Sage, other times Sage mixed with Rosemary or Lavender, insisting that the plants from her garden were better and  stronger than any sold commercially. Several times she brought me cuttings to try to root out - Black Nightshade, Wormwood, Mugwort - and would hover over me as I tried to properly wrap the cut stems in wet paper towel. Sometimes I could get them to grow for me, and sometimes I couldn't, but she never stopped helping me try.
     Christine was a witch and Hecate-woman. Her recitation of the Witches Rune would raise the hair on the back of your neck and she knew her spellwork like few other people I've ever met. Although I did not always agree with her I had an immense respect for her and learned a great deal about the practical, hands-on, magic she practiced. She could make incense, powder, and spell candles like no one else, and she taught me how to use these things in new ways. Because of Christine I began to think out what I was doing more and make my own ingredients and components, instead of flying by the seat of my extemporaneous pants all the time. In 2006 Christine, who followed a blend of modern Wicca and her own family style witchcraft, asked me if I wanted to be initiated as a priestess of Hecate; this was an enormous compliment from her, as she might occasionally offer to initiate someone she had taught into witchcraft but rarely acknowledged that a person was already a witch; deeply honored I said yes. Although I have no other connection to that pantheon and my own focus is firmly elsewhere, I have never regretted that decision and it led me, eventually, to co-creating a Witchcraft Tradition at Hecate's direction. The ceremony itself was deeply moving and, like Christine herself, not quite like anything else I'd ever experienced.
    Christine made jewelry and spell candles, among other things that were sold at the store. She also often made special things just for me, bracelets and necklaces of stone beads, a ring, and a spell candle dedicated to Macha which she later gave me the recipe for. These tangible reminders of her will be cherished now, as I cherish the memory of every conversation and every kind thing she ever did for me.
    No one else I've ever met had the same inherent concern for helpless or outcast things. When she found a cat, dying from an infected wound, she took him to the vet, even though he was half wild and she had no money to spare on a stray. When she was out of work she began caring for two elderly sisters who needed someone to check on them and handle able bodied tasks around their home. When her ex husband became sick and needed somewhere to stay she took him in, caring for him in his own final days. And she took my friend and I under her wing with a tough love mothering that was impossible to resist.
    In many ways Christine was more like family than a friend. When I had a cold she would pull out a mix she called "nose oil", splash some on a tissue, and make me hold it under my nose - and it never failed to clear my sinuses out and let me breathe no matter how stuffed up my nose was. When I sprained my wrist in an accident she appeared with a quart-sized freezer bag full of powdered Comfrey and not only explained how to make a compress out of it, but insisted I do so immediately and wasn't satisfied until I had my wrist slathered and wrapped to her specifications. Every Sunday that I was at the store she would bring me the newspaper and, usually, something to eat, and we would chat about life and magic. Every year she sent my children cards on Halloween and made them gifts for Yule. For many years now we traded witchy-themed novels back and forth, discussing the plots the way some people talk about popular TV shows. Sometimes we chatted about sewing and where to get the best prices on material; Christine was a talented seamstress who sowed some of her own clothes and made everything from dolls to small bags to use for charms. She talked about her past, her husband, her children, as I shared stories about mine. The night her ex-husband died after his own fight against cancer she called me and told me that she felt that Hecate had come and helped him cross, at the end.
    I and another close friend went and visited her a few days before she passed. She was in pain and on a constant morphine pump, but she was happy to see us. She held my hand and wouldn't let go and tried several times to say something, but we couldn't understand what she was trying to say. We sat with her, watching Dark Shadows on a laptop because it was one of her favorite shows. Several times she dozed off, but we stayed until she woke again. She asked a couple times if I was there, and I reassured her I was, all the time holding her hand. Despite it all when she did speak she retained her unique sense of humor and was obviously still herself; I was glad for that. When we finally  left I knew it wouldn't be much longer, but the news of her passing was still a shock in a very visceral way. I can't imagine life without her there offering advice, lending me witchy novels, and showing me the herbs that grow all around us.
  She was a teacher, a mentor, and above all a friend, and I am a better person for having known her.
   May Hecate hold her; may the Goddess's torches light her way.

Modern Altars

It seems that most modern pagans have or use altars of some type. Sometimes permanent, sometimes transitory, the altar is often the focal point of worship, a place we can connect to our Gods in an active way. A place to go when we need something to focus on, and a place that can act as a base for ritual. This idea is certainly not unique to neopagans, one look at the ancient temples of Greece, Rome, or Egypt show us that altars go hand in hand with some religions. Of course from a Heathen or Druidic perspective the evidence is a little harder to find, mostly due to the difficulty in interpreting archaeological sites. In modern Heathenry and Druidism, however, altars are regularly used and may be simple or elaborate. Some traditions have very specific and detailed altar layouts for followers to use, while others can take a more freeform or organic appraoch to altars; in either case though the altar should be functional and serve the purpose of creating a place of connection.
    I am lucky enough to have several permanent altars in my home, including one that is dedicated entirely for honoring several healing Goddesses; this altar is where I go when doing any healing magic or when praying for healing. I have decided to share my own altars here and hope that others find it useful to see examples of how one person sets up and uses altars in a modern context.

Healing altar dedicated to Brighid, Airmed, and Eir

   Exactly what is on a modern altar and how the altar is used can vary widely, but as mentioned previously, generally each tradition or faith will have guidelines or expectations for the set-up of an altar. Most altars that I have seen will include sacred images, candles, and a place or bowl for offerings, but some may also include a variety of objects and tools. My own altars tend to get very elaborate as I try to include a variety of things that are important to me, but I have seen some that are as simple as a candle and incense burner.
    My Druidic altar is probably the most complex of all the altars I have. It includes images of several of the deities I honor, including the three Morrigan, Nuada, and the Matronas. I also include my ancestors and the daoine sidhe, symbols of sea, earth, and sky, my many wands, a ritual blade, mortar and pestles, and a cauldron. Additionally I decorate each altar for the holiday I am celebrating; for example in the picture of my Samhain altar you will see Jack o'Lantern tea light holders. To represent sea, earth, and sky I have three small cauldrons: one holds shells I have collected at the beach, one holds sacred earth from various locations, and the third is used to burn incense in. The fourth and largest cauldron on my altar usually holds a triple wicked candle, but is also used to burn ritual offerings in. I am very fond of using wands and I have more than half a dozen in different woods and styles; I also have two bronze rituals blades that are used for several purposes including in healing work and for collecting herbs. The mortar and pestles are used for making incense, for the most part. Since we have few details on what, exactly, a Druid's altar in antiquity would have looked like I have given myself a lot of creative liberty in designing my own - the biggest and most obvious difference from what we do know historically is that my altar is inside, not outside in a grove of trees or other sacred place. I do have an outdoor altar, but it is a very simple stone altar, used for outdoor rituals or offerings.


A Druid's altar set for Samhain

Druidic altar

In contrast my Kindred's altar, which takes a more Heathen approach is fairly simple. We have a shelf for images of the Gods we honor most often: Artio, Njord, Freya, Odin, the Norns, Frigga, Thor, and Freyr. The shelf itself has been decorated with Pennsylvania Dutch style Hex signs and runes. On the actual altar there is a drinking horn and cup, an offering bowl, incense burner, smaller offering bowl for food offerings, rune set, and symbolic Mjolnir. 

Heathen altar

In addition to these large altars I have smaller ones, which I call shrines, for specific deities. These generally consist of an image of the deity of the shrine, votive objects, incense burner, and candles. I use these sites to make small offerings, such as incense or candles, to that specific deity. Sometimes I will use these places to pray to or meditate on that deity as well.

Altar to Odin

Finally I have altars dedicated to my ancestors and to the daoine sidhe. These serve the same purpose as the other altars but are very specifically focused. I find that they are excellent for connecting to non-divine Powers and go to them no less often as the others.

ancestor altar

an altar honoring the daoine sidhe

The Rosc - Spoken Spells in Druidic Magic

  In studying the Druids and wider Celtic folk magic one particular type of magic is commonly found - the rosc. Rosc is defined as a rhetorical composition or chant, although the electronic Dictionary of the Irish Language (eDIL) suggests that the original term in Old Irish may have been rosg, because rosc cannot be traced further back than late medieval documents (eDIL). It appears in early manuscripts as rosg catha, referring specifically to battle magic, and later as rosc catha with the same meaning; interestingly rosc also means "eye" (eDIL; O Donaill, 1977). The plural of rosc is roisc, although in modern Druidic vernacular it appears as roscanna; roisc do not generally rhyme but rely on alliteration instead (eDIL). Examples of roscanna are usually seen as battle magics, where the speaker is in a conflict and is using the chant to overcome the enemy in some way; however there are also examples of roscanna used for other purposes such as blessing or sleep. In mythology Druids are said to be able to create illusions, heal, find the truth of a situation, advise, interpret dreams and curse with the use of roscanna (O hOgain, 1991).
   Reciting a rosc may be accompanied by specific actions, such as when we see Lugh reciting a rosc for his army, while circling them with one eye closed, one arm behind his back, and on one leg, a type of ritual pose known as the corrguineacht. The corrguineacht itself is usually associated with cursing, perhaps relating the pose to the Fomorians who are sometimes described as having one leg, arm, and eye, although the name corrguineacht is sometimes translated as Crane Posture. O Tuathail translates it as Crane Prayer (O Tuathail, 1993).
   Rosc are also generally spoken in the present tense, a clear difference from most modern magical chants which tend to use the future tense. Generally the speaker of the rosc states what they want as if it already is. When a rosc does use the future tense the person speaking is not asking for something to come to pass but stating that it will come to pass. For example when Amergin invokes the bounty of Ireland he says:
    "Fishful the ocean,
     prolific in bounty the land,
    an explosion of fish,
    fish beneath wave
    in currents of water
    flashing brightly,
    from hunderfolds of salmon
    which are the size of whales,
    song of a harbour of fames,
    an explosion of fish,
    fishful the sea." (O Tuathail, 1993).

    This demonstrates not only the use of tense but also two other qualities of roscanna: the emphasis on descriptive terms and the repetition of the first line, or a variation on it, as the final line. The descriptive nature of roscanna works with the alliterative pattern; along with the repetition of specific lines this reinforces the poetic nature of these chants. Some roscanna, such as Amergin's Invocation of Ireland also follow a pattern of repeating the end of one line as the beginning of the next line (example below).
   Roscanna also rely on the speaker's own personal power, rather than appeals to higher powers or forces. Someone reciting a rosc is using their own energy and will to enforce their words. We can see this in an exerpt from the rosc Mogh Ruith recites against the King's Druids:
   "I turn, I re-turn
    not but I turn nuclei of darkness
    I turn verbal spells, I turn speckled spells,
    I turn purities of form,
    I turn high, I turn mightily,
    I turn each adversity,
    I turn a hill to subside...." (O Tuathail, 1993)
O Tuathail suggests that "turn" in this context means transform, which seems logical. We can see the same pattern of invoking personal power in the "Song of Amergin" whose opening section begins each line with the phrase "I am". Although a rosc can also be used to invoke the power within an object this is still generally done with an emphasis on the speaker's own personal power calling to what they are invoking. Several examples of this are:
  Amergin's Involcation of Ireland
 "I request the land of Ireland
  coursed is the wild sea
   wild the crying mountains
   crying the generous woods
   generous in showers..." (O Tuathail, 1993).

  Mogh Ruith's Magic Stone
"I request my stone of conflagration.
 Be it no ghost of theft.
 Be it  ablaze that will fight sages
 ...My fire stone which delves pain
 Be it a red serpent which sorrows..." (O Tuathail, 1993)
 There are examples of roscanna that rely on invoking a higher power as well, but these appear to be less common. It is possible that the folk magic charms we have today are based on the same principles as the Druidic roscanna, although the modern folk charms more often invoke higher Powers.
  In a modern context a rosc can be used for any purpose needed by the speaker. The generally rules of forming a rosc should be followed: alliteration, highly descriptive terms, repetition, and speaking in the present with personal power. If desired or required specific actions can be included as well. An example of this for protection would be:
   "I am safe, secure, and protected,
    Protected from injury and ill-will
    From danger and destruction
    From all hurt and harm
    My magic is an armor, impenetrable,
    that turns away all attacks
    Turns them to the encompassing earth
    Wide and deep, she takes them
     transforms them from harm to healing
     So that what is sent against me
     Becomes a blessing and boon
     Protected from injury and ill-will
     I am safe, secure, and protected."

References
O hOgain, D., (1991). Myth, Legend, and Romance
O Tuathail, S., (1993). The Excellence of Ancient word: Druid Rhetoric from Ancient Irish Tales
http://www.dil.ie/
O Donaill, N., (1977). Focloir Gaeilge-Bearla

Prayer for Sandy Hook Victims

  Yesterday my state was rocked by one of the most horrific school shootings this country has ever seen. As I followed the developing news story I found myself trying to comprehend the horror that the victims and their families were dealing with. As a former EMT and a mother of elementary age school children I was heartbroken by the entire situation, and like many people I wanted to do something. All over the state there were prayer vigils held last night, and maybe prayer is a normal reaction to the sadness and grief of such an event because I also felt like prayer was the best response I could give in that moment. As the days unfold and we all try to come to terms with what has happened, as the debates ensue about why it happened and how it could have been prevented, I hope we all remember to keep the victims and their families in our thoughts and prayers. While the nation argues over the inevitable issues, 20 families are burying their young children, lost to senseless violence in a place that should be safe for all children, and 7 other families are burying their beloved relatives who died next to those children.
    This is the prayer I said when lighting a candle for the victims and their families:
"Blessed Brighid, goddess of healing,
First to keen in Ireland when your own son died,
You know the pain of losing a child
You know the sharpness of mourning,
Be with those who were killed today
That they might find their way to peace and rest
Be with their families as they weep
That they might find comfort in their grief

Blessed Brighid, exalted one,
Gracious Goddess and saint
you are a light in the darkness
May you light our way today."

 

Sacred Symbols

  In my experience many pagans have a sacred symbol that represents their belief, if only to them. These symbols may be somewhat mainstream, like the pentacle, or less well known, like the irminsul, but they all serve as a touchstone of the religion or beliefs the person holds.

Assorted religious jewelry, bronze, at Pandora's Box, Norwich CT

   This past summer the Huffington Post site asked the question What religious jewelry do you wear and why? and asked for readers to submit pictures of their religious jewelry with stories explaining why that symbol was significant to them. After much thought I submitted what might seem an unlikely image, coming from me -

with a short note saying that I have had this pentacle for over 20 years and that to me it represents the interconnection of all things. The picture and explanation appeared in the slideshow accompanying the main article.
    After submitting it I questioned whether it was the right choice; should I have gone with a triskele instead to represent Irish paganism and Druidism? Should I have used an image of my Thor's Hammer to represent Heathenry? Both of these images are very significant to me, and each has a special meaning. The triskele is something that I feel I earned by going through the fostering process with my Druid Order and symbolizes the connection to sea, earth, and sky; the Hammer was a gift from my Kindred sister and reminds me of my connection to the Gods. So why, I asked myself, did I choose as I had? In the end I believe that I picked the symbol I did because it was the first symbol I ever connected to, the first image that was more than just decoration. I bought this necklace with money I saved up babysitting and I wore it every day through high school. It saw me through some very difficult times, and did indeed always remind me that all things are connected. After I moved beyond the religion that it is commonly used to represent I still wore it sometimes for that feeling of connection. In short this pentacle ceased being a piece of jewelry that stood for one faith and became a personal emblem to me of my own inner strength and the comfort I found in something that kept me from feeling all alone even when in many ways I was. Even though I don't wear it often anymore it is still special to me.
    I have a beautiful Thor's Hammer that I wear, and I have a triskele - each is important to me and holds a special meaning. Each symbolizes my faith in different ways. But there is a connection to my first religious pendant that has endured even through changes in spirituality. It's just a simple piece of silver, shaped like a star within a circle, but it is one of the most precious things I own, because to me it will always be a representation of that ineffable connection to the things that matter to me.
  Of course I also have a hammer that I wear as well. The Thor's Hammer appeared historically around a thousand years ago, likely to give heathens something to wear besides the Christian Cross. In modern contexts the Thor's Hammer, or Mjolnir, is a symbol of those who follow the Norse Gods, as well as symbolizing protection and fertility (Thor's Hammer, it's said, was used to bless marriages by being placed in the lap of the bride). Mine is a very modern design and was a gift. Heathens can also use the irmunsul, a Germanic world tree image, as a symbol, or the valknot a triple interlaced triangle design often associated with Odin (the word valknut means knot of the slain and since one of Odin's names was Valfadr it does seem to be a logical connection; there is a joke in modern heathenry that the valknut is the "insert spear here" symbol)

I also often wear a triskele or a tree to symbolize Irish Paganism or Druidism. Both of these are modern symbols, not having been used historically to represent a pagan faith that we know of, but are great representations of those faiths for modern practitioners. The triskele is seen in ancient Irish art, although its true origins are debated; some believe it was adapted off of the Norse valknut, while others think it is an older Celtic symbol. I also tend to favor wearing a tree emblem as it represents Druidism to me and also encompasses the concept of the bile (sacred tree or pole) and world tree. In this way the tree symbolizes both sides of my faith, the Irish and the Norse.

one of the tree pendants I sometimes wear

another tree pendant I sometimes wear 

 It's worth noting that I have gotten tattoos of the symbols I find important including the Thor's Hammer, Valknut, and Triskele, so in some ways wearing them as jewelry is redundant, but I still like the jewelry. In a world and culture were what symbols we wear around our necks are often a subtle - or sometimes not-so-subtle - way to declare our faith publically I tend to appraoch wearing mine as a matter of pride in my spirituality.
  I tend to choose the symbol I wear based on what I feel most in tune with that particular day, and my spirituality being what it is I often wear more than one symbol at a time. What sacred symbols do you wear? What makes that symbol special to you?

Reflections on Life and Legacy

 I awoke this past Tuesday morning from a very strange dream, most likely rooted in seeing too many previews for the new movie the Hobbit. In the dream I was traveling with a group of dwarves and an elf - picture the ones from the movie and you'll get the idea - when suddenly there was some sort of attack and everyone was knocked out. The earth began slowly growing over each inert form, seeming intent on pulling them down completely, but before the process was complete another elf appeared and woke his sleeping/enspelled kinsman. In the dream I heard a voice saying "They are never forgotten who have family to search for them, and so this one will be reborn again." Then I woke up, but with a strong feeling, not only of the importance of the ancestors to us, but of our importance to those who have passed. This was something of an epiphany for me, because I had previously tended to see my relationship with the ancestors as one where I looked to them not one where they depended on me.
    My first clear thought on waking was "If I died today how would my children remember me?". I have spent much of the day thinking about that, and about something my husband said to me in a conversation the night before; when I expressed concern about the way I decorate our house being too overtly pagan (being worried that his family and friends feel uncomfortable) he told me not to be a "closet witch". I had never thought before that I was or would be any sort of closet anything; in fact I had prided myself on how open I was with my spiritual choices. It was a wake up call to have him point out, in a supportive way, that I needed to be proud of who I am.
   So I have been thinking about all of these interconnected things, about the way our ancestors need us, about how my children think of me, and about how I change myself for other people. I truly believe these are all related thoughts, because each comes back to the idea of leaving a legacy worth being remembered for. I can even divide them up by past, present, and future - what my ancestors did to earn a place in my memory and devotions, what I am doing with my children and how they will remember it, and what I am doing and will do to shape my life according to what other people expect my life to be. What my ancestors have done cannot be undone or changed, and it does affect how I feel about them now and who I focus more on. What I do now with my own children becomes that same set-in-stone past tense, and I am suddenly aware of how precious each moment with them as they grow is. And I realized that it truly is my choice to live for my own happiness or to live to meet other's expectations. I am weaving my own legacy, strand by strand, from my choices and actions.
   When I look at the past several years I see a life out of balance. I went to college and am within 6 degrees of earning a bachelor's in psychology. I wrote six books. I started blogging and have tried to post 2 to 3 blogs per week, and now I also blog once a month for a local faith and values website, as their only neo-pagan blogger. Two years ago I was teaching at local and regional events, and this past year have been teaching locally. I've been a guest on 2 blog radio shows. I am raising two children, one with special health needs, and am married, as well as participating in or running several spiritual groups. I am clearly a very driven person and I have absolutely no idea how I find enough hours in the day to get this all done.
    But what legacy does it leave? I have no interest in being well known, only in sharing what I know with those who might gain from it, so am I achieving what I want to achieve? Am I giving my children childhood memories of me that are worth cherishing, or am I just getting through each day? Am I doing what I want to do, being who I want to be, or trying to please others? The reality is that I am pushing myself way too hard to meet the perceived needs of other people, rather than simply enjoying my life. In the past several weeks I have been struggling with some health issues that require me to rest; I am failing miserably. I no longer remember how to rest or relax, or simply not do anything. I fill every moment with something, and not always something that is good for myself or my family. And this is not the legacy I want to leave my children at all.
   I am starting, right now, to change how I do things, what I do, and to get my personal priorities in line with my actual desires. I am seeking balance, trying to remake my life - now - into what I want it to be, something that will be personally fulfilling and worthy of remembrance and honoring when I am gone. In short I am trying to live in the moment, knowing that this moment is only a breathe away from being the unchangeable past and deserves to be spent in the best possible way.
    What will your legacy be? Will your life end with satisfaction with how you lived it, or regret for focusing on the wrong things?