Riding the River; My Journey into Paganism

 My journey into Paganism is something I've talked about before, but I don't think I've ever written explicitly about it here. Since there's a blog theme going around taking on that idea I thought it might be interesting to look at it here.

Many people when you ask them 'How did you end up pagan?' have a straightforward answer - they found a book or they met a particular person. My own story is a bit more complicated, although it does eventually involve both a book and a person, both of which I owe a great debt and neither of which continued with me on my path.

Unlike most of my peers I wasn't raised Christian. I tend to say I was raised a secular agnostic because that sums it up fairly well. We celebrated all the main American holidays but without any religious overtones - Christmas was when Santa came in his reindeer pulled sleigh to magically bring us presents and Easter was when a bunny brought us baskets of candy. I include the agnostic part because there was no firm disbelief, but neither was their any clear structure within any particular faith. We grew up hearing stories about our families history and culture, Cherokee, Irish-American, and New England with all the folklore and belief that came with that. I spent a lot of time out doors in nature, connecting to the wild world. I also had the added personal quirk of seeing spirits, something that (luckily for me) my family humored for the most part. I built little houses for the fairies and left them notes on my windowsill for as long as I could remember. But actual formal religion, there wasn't any.

I was also always a spiritual seeker, maybe because I saw things other people didn't. At various points I was curious about different religions, attending church services with my friends, reading about Judaism, I even read up on Mennonites and the Amish. Nothing ever quite fit though. And then when I was in middle school (the early 1990's) one of my best friends introduced me to a book by Scott Cunningham called 'Wicca: a Guide for the Solitary Practitioner'. For the first time I was reading about a religion - witchcraft and paganism - that made perfect sense to me. Gods and Goddesses, spirits, magic, these all resonated with me and fit into the world, spirits inclusive, that I already knew existed. I was mad for Irish culture at that point so it wasn't much effort to add in Irish mythology to to everything else and begin reading about the Irish Gods. I think I was about 11 years old.

I went to the library and found a few other books, and used my babysitting money to buy a couple more and I read what I could get my hands on at the time: Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft, Sybil Leek's Diary of a Witch, Laurie Cabot's Power of the Witch. At the advanced age of 12 I decided to preform a self dedication ritual, out in the cold on Imbolc. Because at 12 I was certain that this was the most amazing religion ever.

Of course within a few years, by the mid 90's, I'd started to focus more on what I'd later learn was called Celtic Reconstructionism and by 1997 I'd joined a CR Druid group called the Order of the White Oak. In 2001 I joined another Druid group, Ar nDraoicht Fein, and in 2006 I joined Our Troth after I began studying Heathenry/Asatru. I had long since stopped considering myself Wiccan but I never stopped practicing witchcraft and throughout it all the Good People - by any name - where the bedrock of my belief system and practice.

I remained a dual-trad person, both a reconstructionist Irish polytheist and a Heathen but I also began to see that over the years I had developed my own type of witchcraft, my own flavor if you will. So in 2013 I wrote a book 'Pagan Portals Fairy Witchcraft' which would be published the following year that described my witchcraft and my belief system, formed from a lifetime of experience and woven from the Fairy Faith and a reconstructionist approach to working with the Other Crowd. That of course led to another book, Fairycraft, and another (coming out later this year) Fairies. And there's another one in the works that will be out in the next year or so as well. I feel like Themselves have something to say.

Last year, as those of you who read my blog already know, was a transitional one for me. I went to Ireland a polytheist dedicated to several Gods. I came back belonging to the Daoine Maithe. Looking back on my journey to paganism and its evolution over the years I suppose it was a predictable evolution, but I honestly never saw it coming. I had always thought of my path as a tree, growing up from roots into spreading branches but always one thing always the same even as it grew. I suppose in a way that's true, but recently I've realized that my path is far more like a river - the water is always the water but the river expands and contracts, reshapes itself, slows or speeds up as it travels. It changes as it needs to change. My path has always been about the Good People even before I realized I was on a path, and I have walked it my whole life even when I wasn't aware it was there. It has changed and reshaped itself radically along the way, and that's alright. I've learned a lot.

And where I am now is not the end either.

Witchcraft of The Devouring Swamp

My friend at Via Hedera wrote a great post about her green witchcraft in the context of her river and its spirits called "Green River Witchcraft". You should definitely give it a read. It has me thinking about the way that where we live, the environment we live in, shapes how we relate to spirits and perhaps our witchcraft or wider spirituality. For my friend at Via Hedera that means green, growing, knitting community together. It also reminds me of this Puscifer song:

All of this got me thinking about my own environment, my own animism and my own witchcraft.

Animism is and always has been a core concept of my beliefs, back for as far as I can remember believing things. The idea that there are spirits - souls - in objects, in places, in everything has always just been a given for me. Of course the river has a spirit. Of course the road has one too. People can split hairs about the details of animism, what it is and how its defined, but ultimately I think any view of animism hinges on that core idea of an ensouled world.

Building on that, for me, is the idea that the physical anchor for that spirit shapes and influences the spirit to some degree. Just as our experience in our body effect how we interact with the world, it has been my experience to a large degree that other spirits are effected by the state of their physical anchor, when they have one. A river that is free-running and clear is a happy river; one that is clogged and polluted is not. A happy river, often will have a happy spirit while an unhappy river will have an unhappy spirit, to give a simple view of it. Rivers shaped by waterfalls and wild rapids have more wild and fierce spirits. Rivers that are calm and slow moving have more languid spirits. I am speaking of generalities of course, trying to get a larger point across.

In turn the spirits and physical anchors they have shape us and resonate with us, or not. People are drawn to certain places, certain types of spirits, whether or not they are aware of it. We may say we like to live near specific terrain, or we always have to be around a specific kind of thing; or perhaps we draw those things to us. I have an affinity for things with thorns and now through no effort on my part my yard has been overtaken by things-with-thorns. We are connected to the spirits around us and they in their way are connected to us, and this is especially true for those of us who practice any form of magic or follow a spiritual path that lends itself to these connection.

Water flows through and around the land I live on, shapes it and re-shapes it. I live within 8 miles of the ocean, and a mile from a large river. But my backyard is a freshwater swamp, less than 50 feet from my house. Those spirits are woven into my home and my witchcraft, inevitably, because they are a part of my environment. They are what I am connected to and what I resonate with.

my backyard

 Rivers have a certain nature to them, whether they are big or small, and their spirits tend to reflect this. They flow, the move, they nurture. Swamps are very different in nature. Swamps devour. Swamps consume. Swamps take in. Swamps have their own cycles, their own ecology, their own blessings and dangers. Ground that looks safe often enough proves a sucking void and one misstep in a swamp can be costly. Swamps are where, often, we see the process of decay front and center, even when they are living and thriving. Trees, uprooted, crisscross the water dying and adding themselves back to the mix from which everything else springs. Yet swamps also nurture life in their own way. Trees grow here, finding roots on the dry islands that rise between the water. Birds nest here, frogs breed here, animals  make their homes here. Paths can be found across the danger by treading on the trunks of fallen trees, if one is daring and has good balance.

The spirits of swamps reflect the nature of swamps; they are devouring and merciless, but they can also be nurturing and helpful. They respect people who are bold, and people who know where to tread and where not to step. They are not subtle, except when they are. The green growth of the swamp stands directly on the brown decay in which its rooted, and the spirits of the swamp, more perhaps than other spirits, are mercurial and stand between baneful and blessing in nature. The Otherworldly beings that choose swamps to live in tend more towards darkness than light.

There is powerful magic to be found here, and powerful connections to be made with these spirits. The lessons of the swamp rest in patience, and rhythms, and finding paths where others see only obstacles. Swamp spirits teach you discernment in trust, and that things are rarely as they appear. The witchcraft of these liminal lands, as much water as earth, is something that knows to respect decay while nourishing new beginnings, and knows when to seek a safe path and when to give over to the devouring waters. The spirits here make powerful allies. But let's be honest, the swamp isn't an easy thing to learn and just when you think you understand it you're sure to set your feet wrong and fall into the half-decayed muck. It takes time and effort to learn the rhythms of any swamp, and to speak to its spirits and learn their language.

Just don't follow the lights in the swamp at night and you will be off to a good start.

Cliodhna: Goddess and Fairy Queen

The Following is an Excerpt from my book Pagan Portals Gods and Goddesses of Ireland

Cliodhna -
Cliodhna, also known as Clíona, is considered both one of the Tuatha Dé Danann in older mythology and a Fairy Queen in modern folk lore. Her name may mean ‘the territorial one’, likely reflecting her earlier role as a sovereignty Goddess; her epithet is Ceannfhionn (fair headed or fair haired) and she is sometimes called ‘the shapely one’1. In many stories she is described as
exceptionally beautiful.

Her sister is said to be Aibheall, and her father is Gebann, the Druid of Manannán mac Lir2. There are no references to who her mother might be or to her children among the Gods. Several mortal families trace their descent from her including the McCarthys and O’Keefes and she was well known for taking mortal lovers.

Cliodhna is said to have taken the form of a wren, a bird that may be associated with her, and she is also often associated with the Otherworldly Bean sidhe. By some accounts she herself is considered to be such a spirit, or their queen, although in other folklore she is more generally the queen of the fairies of Munster. She has three magical birds that eat Otherworldly apples and have the power to lull people to sleep by singing and then heal them3.

She is strongly associated with the shore and with waves, and the tide at Glandore in Cork was called the ‘Wave of Cliodhna’4. In several of her stories she is drowned at that same location after leaving the Otherworld either to try to woo Aengus or after running away with a warrior named Ciabhán. She has a reputation in many stories for her passionate nature and love of poets in particular, and in later folklore when she is considered a Fairy Queen she is known to abduct handsome young poets or to appear and try to seduce them. In folklore she has a reputation for seducing and drowning young men5.

Cliodhna is particularly associated with the province of Munster and especially with Cork, where she resides at a place called Carraig Chlíona (Cliodhna’s rock)6. It is likely that she was originally one of the sovereignty Goddesses of Munster and that her survival in folklore to the present period reflects how deeply ingrained she was in local lore.

Modern practitioners may choose to honor Cliodhna for her role as a sovereignty Goddess or as an ancestral deity related to specific families. I might suggest, given her more recent folklore related to the Bean sidhe and her penchant in stories for harming young men and poets, that she should be approached with caution. Offerings to her could include the traditional milk or bread given to the Gods and fairies, as well as poetry, of which she seems fond.

Citations
1. O hOgain, 2006; MacKillop, 1998
2. Smyth, 1988; MacKillop, 1998
3. ibid
4. O hOgain, 2006
5. Smyth, 1988
6. O hOgain, 2006


References
O hOgain, D., (2006) Lore of Ireland
Smyth, D., (1988) Irish Mythology
MacKillop, J., (1998) A Dictionary of Celtic Mythology

Oiche Fhéile Eoin - Lá Fhéile Eoin

When it comes to holidays in my personal practice I've always focused most on the fire festivals, Imbolc, Bealtaine, Lughnasa, and Samhain, but for many years midsummer has played a role as well. Specifically it has been a time for me to honor the fairy Queen Àine, but last year I found that starting to shift a bit as I was drawn to celebrating on June 24th - Lá Fhéile Eoin - rather than on midsummer proper. This year as things have solidly realigned spiritually for me so that I am connected to another Fairy queen, and feel a bit odd honoring Àine as usual, I'm thinking that its time to completely transfer to celebrating on the 24th. Luckily there is a great deal of folklore to draw from.

The festival, like most other Irish ones, begins on the night before and goes into the next day. Oiche Fhéile Eoin and Lá Fhéile Eoin are celebrations of midsummer, but in many ways they are similar to and connected to the previous Bealtaine celebrations. The Daoine Maithe were especially active at this time of year and were known to be seen on the sí associated with them. Extra precautions were needed to stay safe from their mischief or outright maliciousness on this night. It was also common for prayers to be offered to and for the dead on this night (Danaher, 1972). 

There are many traditions associated with Lá Fhéile Eoin [June 24th] as well as with the night before, Oiche Fhéile Eoin [June 23rd]. There is much supposition that the celebrations of this feast day in the church represent attempts to Christianize earlier pagan midsummer celebrations (Ó Súilleabháin, 1967). Probably the most well known practice and the one that has survived the longest into the modern era are the bonfires. People from the community would gather and build a bonfire on Oiche Fhéile Eoin, sometimes several, and the herds would be driven through them and the smaller ones jumped over sideways for health, fertility, and luck (Ó hÓgáin, 1995; Danaher, 1972). It was said to be lucky to walk three times sunwise around the bonfire on this night; by some accounts doing this ensures health for the year to come (Ó hÓgáin, 1995; Wilde, 1991). Even the smoke from the fires was lucky and the areas it drifted over were said to have received the same blessing as areas that later received it's ash. 

The bonfires were community events where people would gather and celebrate together with music and dancing; the fire itself would be built from wood and bones gathered from all the households in the community.  At the fire the men would compete with each other in games of skill while the women would pray for good crops and food supply (Danaher, 1972). The belief was strong that to neglect these prayers might result in a failure of the fish to come up river or bring a blight over the crops (Danaher, 1972). The practice of bonfires slowly died out into the mid-20th century but could easily be revived and indeed the celebration seems to be seeing a revival in modern Ireland. 

The bonfires also had other, more esoteric uses. Because they were seen as powerful supernatural fires that carried blessings they could be used to safely dispose of magical or holy items that needed to be gotten rid of. Holy items, such as statues or rosary beads, that had been worn out or broken could be thrown into a bonfire on Oiche Fhéile Eoin, and so could magical items that had been used for either blessing or cursing (Danaher, 1972). Charms that had served their purpose as well as items used for hexing or ill-wishing that needed to be safely destroyed could be thrown into a bonfire on this night.

It was considered lucky for those with a new home to start their fire from the coals of the festival bonfire, and anyone who started a hearth fire from the main bonfire were believed to be ensuring their own luck, fertility and wealth in the coming year (Danaher, 1972). The ashes of the fires were also viewed as having power and would be scattered in the fields to promote growth (Ó hÓgáin, 1995). In some places the harvesting tool was left out overnight in the fields (Ó Súilleabháin, 1967). This may have been for blessing purposes, to encourage a good harvest, or it may have been protective, placing iron in the fields to ward off the attentions of the Daoine Uaisle. 

Other folk customs intended to improve health and banish illness included bathing on Oiche Fhéile Eoin and drinking a tea made from St. John's Wort (Ó Súilleabháin, 1967). Yarrow was hung in the house to protect against illness (Evans, 1957). It's clear looking at the different folk practices that good health was a prevalent theme among them, and many of the activities were aimed at ensuring health for a person or household, as well as the herds and crops. 

In many ways this holiday ushered in the true beginning of summer, although the season had properly begun at Bealtaine. Swimming was engaged in on the holiday and it was said that those who celebrated the festival should be safe from drowning in the following year (Danaher, 1972). The holiday is also called Bonfire Night, Oiche an teine chnáimh [night of the bone fires], and Teine Féile Eoin [fire of the feast of John] (Danaher, 1972). As with most other festivals fire and water played central roles in the celebrations. 

Special foods associated with this holiday include sweets and in Connacht a dish called 'goody' which was white bread soaked in warm milk laced with spices and sugar (Danaher, 1972). Drinking was also a common feature of the celebrations. For myself I have made a habit of cooking cake and offering it to the Gods, Good People, and ancestors; this year I will be using my cáca síofra recipe instead of plain cakes. 

This year Oiche Fhéile Eoin and Lá Fhéile Eoin fall during the dark moon, a time I find more potent and open to Otherworldly crossover. I suspect it will be an intense holiday, and am looking forward to celebrating it. 

References

Ó hÓgáin, D., (1995) Irish Superstitions 

Ó Súilleabháin, S., (1967) Nósanna agus Piseoga na nGeal

Wilde, E., (1991) Irish Cures, Mystic Charms & Superstitions

Danaher, K., (1972) The Year in Ireland

Evans, E., (1957) Irish Folk Ways

Reshaped Living: Food and Drink ~ An Excerpt from my WIP

 I have recently signed a contract for a new book, a third in my Fairycraft series, and for today's blog I wanted to offer an excerpt from the draft,to give people a taste of where this one is going. It's much more personal than the others, and while it does quote sources and include the usual references (I am the one writing it after all) it also offers insight into the deeper layers of my own practice, specifically with the Othercrowd.

local apples, 2012

Reshaped Living: Food and Drink

As I moved deeper into working with the beings of the Otherworld I hadn't expected the way that it would impact unexpected  parts of my life. I suppose I assumed that as I learned and moved deeper into the work I was doing there would be a cost but it would be something straightforward like blood or physical effort; and certainly there has been that too. But I didn't expect the way that Themselves would come in and start re-shaping my life in practical ways, including what I could eat and drink and things I could or could not do.

There's something really, deeply alienating in this, or at least I found it so. It's hard enough to start with being on a spiritual path that many people don't understand, that is disconnected from mainstream modern paganism because of its emphasis on traditional folklore and beliefs. When you add in a variety of restrictions in how you have to live, particularly with the diet for me as I already had a few food allergies going on, it ends up making a person feel very at odds with the rest of the world. I'm also a stubborn person and I fight hard against the urge to resist when I am told not to do things.

I can't eat most processed foods (think frozen dinners and dried fruits, for example) or breads, pasta, or cereal (because of additives I have issues with). Outside of that though I was good, and my preferred diet before was heavily weighted towards coffee, soda, and convenience foods. So when the specific Good People who I deal with told me, about 5 years ago now, that I needed to change that entirely and focus on fresh fruits and vegetables, dairy, limited white meats and fish, nuts, drink water and fruit juice, and cut out all caffeine I was not thrilled. This represented a seismic shift for me, especially the caffeine.

Here's the thing though, about getting into this sort of spirituality. If you choose to do this kind of work then there's an understanding that you are agreeing to all the terms, including the ones that haven't been specified beforehand. And if you try to get around something they are emphasizing as important, often enough, they may give you a bit of time to toe the line voluntarily then they will step in and influence things themselves. Case in point - the caffeine. I fully admit to being a coffee addict and I don't say that lightly. When the no caffeine edict came down I was not happy, and initially I really struggled with it. It took me years to cut out caffeinated soda, and then I found myself stuck on coffee. Finally I reluctantly switched to decaf. And then, I suppose predictably, I began drinking a half dozen cups or more of decaf a day, defeating the entire purpose of it since decaf coffee does have some caffeine. So one Bealtaine morning when I poured my usual cup and added the cream, the cream disappeared; stirring it revealed that the in-date, unspoiled cream had curdled and was massed in a lump at the bottom of the cup. Not to be daunted - or to take a hint - I poured a fresh cup and added milk. It curdled as soon as it hit the surface. And I admitted defeat. I haven't touched a drop of coffee since, although I still crave it.

Initially I had no frame of reference for any of this outside of my own personal gnosis, nothing except the knowledge that they wanted certain things done or not done. Finally though I ran across this in a book by Yeats, and it made me feel less unusual in what was being asked of me:

“Those we speak of have for their friends the trooping fairies--the gay and sociable populace of raths and caves....The fairies are, of course, visible to them, and many a new-built house have they bid the owner pull down because it lay on the fairies' road. Lady Wilde thus describes one who lived in Innis Sark:--"He never touched beer, spirits, or meat in all his life, but has lived entirely on bread, fruit. and vegetables. A man who knew him thus describes him--'Winter and summer his dress is the same--merely a flannel shirt and coat. He will pay his share at a feast, but neither eats nor drinks of the food and drink set before him. He speaks no English, and never could be made to learn the English tongue, though he says it might be used with great effect to curse one's enemy. He holds a burial-ground sacred, and would not carry away so much as a leaf of ivy from a grave. And he maintains that the people are right to keep to their ancient usages, such as never to dig a grave on a Monday, and to carry the coffin three times round the grave, following the course of the sun, for then the dead rest in peace...."

-      ‘Witches, Fairy Doctors’ Fairy and Folk Tales of the Irish Peasantry Edited by W. B. Yeats [1888]

Reading this passage was very important for me because, above all, it made me feel less alone and at odds. Here was a historic account of someone who died long before I was born, but their life as it's described here resonated with me. Not every detail, of course - I eat some meat and don't eat bread, for one thing - but the broad strokes really spoke to me. I don't drink alcohol, as a rule, and my wardrobe is rather monochromatic, as it were. Despite the pressure of modern magical ways it's the older practices that speak to me, and about which I find myself compelled to speak out. And of course there's the bit about seeing the Daoine Uaisle, who I certainly try to stay on friendly terms with, for my part.

For a long time I didn't talk about these things, especially the diet, except to a very few people, not only because it seemed an awkward thing to discuss but also because I felt like they were such strange things to have restrictions on. Reading this as well as a chapter in the book 'Trojan Feast' that touched on people's food intersecting with non-human beings and seeing that other people who were connected to the Good People had also historically been known to have restrictions, or to live in ways that were at odds with those around them, even if there's no direct indication it was at Their direction, made me feel better.

I also want to be clear that while these dietary things may have some health benefits - particularly given how unhealthy American processed foods are - that was not the reason behind them, at least not for me. I have never had a sense that the Gentry were particularly concerned with my physical well being, unless I was doing things that actively and immediately harmed myself and then they were always pretty clear that I needed to stop for that reason. What their motivation was in asking me to eat or not eat certain things wasn't initially clear, although I began to suspect it had to do with getting me into a more, shall we say, psychically receptive state? This suspicion would later be reinforced after talking with a couple friends.

A friend at one point had mentioned that my diet as it was being shaped was strongly reminiscent of a Sattvic diet, an approach to eating found in the Ayurvedic system. A traditional Sattvic diet, broadly speaking, includes fruit and fruit juice, above ground vegetables and carrots, nuts, seeds, dairy products, honey, and grains (Cutchin, 2015). Not knowing anything about the subject I asked another friend who was fairly knowledgeable about it and he not only agreed with my first friend's suspicion but mentioned that Sattvic diets are often used by people seeking higher spiritual states because they open a person up to connecting more easily to spiritual energy (I'm paraphrasing here). This idea was echoed in a book I read recently, 'A Trojan Feast' which discusses in one section the Sattvic diet, its odd and apparently unconscious predominance among modern people who experience contact with non-human beings, and its reputed ability to raise psychic awareness or clairvoyance (Cutchins, 2015). I am by no means claiming that my food do's and don't's are Sattvic, as I do not follow nor know very much about Ayurveda, however I did find the connection interesting. Cutchins suggested that there may be a connection between the concept of sattva and its emphasis on freshness in food and the idea of the toradh or foyson, the essence, of food that the Good Folk were reputed to consume when given food offerings. By his theory it is the toradh of food that can be equated to its Sattvic quality, making this diet perhaps the closest to what one might hypothesize the Daoine Maithe themselves might consume.

I cannot say that like Lady Wilde's friend of the fairies I have had these preferences all my life, or that from childhood I was guided to seek out or avoid certain foods. But for the last five years or so, as I have stopped resisting the growing dominance of the Good People in my life and have instead embraced it, I can say with certainty that their influence has touched on unexpected areas, including my diet. This has been a hard change, and I fully admit that I fight against it as often as I go along with it, but ultimately I do think there is a purpose to it, and that the purpose has value not only to Themselves but also - I hope - to me.

References:
Yeats, W., (1888). Fairy and Folktales of the Irish Peasantry
Cutchin, J., (2015). A Trojan Feast

The Morrigan's Call Retreat 2017

Last weekend was the 4th annual Morrigan's Call Retreat in Connecticut, an event that I have participated in since its inception. Founded by Stephanie Woodfield and Morrigu's Daughters the Retreat offers people a chance to get together and honor the Great Queen(s). It has always been somewhat unique in that its purpose is so specific to one group of deities - the Morrigan and her sisters, Badb and Macha. I've mentioned before, in my previous blogs on the Retreat, that one of the things I love the most about it is the inclusiveness of different spiritual points of view and paths; whether someone sees the Gods as archetypes or as individual beings, whether a person is Wiccan, or pagan or polytheist, all are welcome, provided they are willing to abide by the Retreat's ground rules and respect each other.

the river on camp grounds

The support staff and teachers arrived the day before the Retreat began, on Thursday. This gave us time to get settled in and get a feel for the place before the Retreat participants begin arriving, and I really like that. It also meant time to get the area cleansed and warded, the temple set up and blessed, and this year to have a ritual with the staff group before the full-on Retreat began. 

This year my friend and I were in the same cabin we'd been in two years ago, which I was happy about because, while its a hike to the main area and bathrooms, its right next to the river. We also lucked out with who our two cabin mates were (Peppermint cabin for the win!). The area we were in is at the edges of the activity, but feels closer to the heart of nature, and that's where I'd rather be. I love that little river and after several years of coming to that location it felt like seeing an old friend again. We settled in and then ventured out to say hello to everyone. There were some new faces this year, and a few missing from past years, but many, many familiar faces. The ritual Thursday night was low-key but moving.

Ritual fire

Day 1:

The first official day of Retreat began early for me, but I wasn't the only early riser. Its hectic on the first day, of course, because people are coming in and setting up throughout the day, but it was a good kind of hectic. Just as many of the support staff have returned to help out year after year, so too we have many people who travel to join the Retreat year after year and it makes me happy to see people that I only see once a year at this gathering. We had people coming in from the west coast and up from Florida, and we had people who joined us from Canada, and that's always a wonderful thing to see as well, the way that this event gathers people together from thousands of miles away, as much as from neighboring towns and states.  

I taught a class in the afternoon called Meeting the Morrigans. I have taught this at every Retreat since the first one, and it makes a good way to start things off, offering a basis for people who may have only a minimal (or no) knowledge of the Morrigans' history and myth. Our viewpoints and understandings of the Morrigan may vary widely, but the mythology is something that can be a touchstone for everyone, a way to connect us all together as we seek to better connect to and understand the Morrigan, Badb, and Macha. 

The rituals at this year's Retreat were slightly different than in the previous years. In the first three years one person designed all of the rituals and each one connected to the others, like a story arch, so that the three rituals become a journey in themselves for people. While that could offer some amazing connections and experiences, it also meant that it was problematic if anyone missed a ritual. So this year, instead, each ritual was designed by different people and was a stand alone. The ritual for Friday night was based on the idea of 9 different faces of the Morrigan and participants choosing one of these faces/aspects to take a message from (the messages were written on a piece of paper). I had the role of Morrigan of the Sidhe, and my message related to seeing both the dark and the light within the Fairy Queen. 

Another thing that was different this year was that we were offering oracle times in the temple. This was a period of a few hours set aside each day where a person who was experienced in channeling work would be in the temple space for anyone who may have questions or want a message. The person seeking to enter would be cleansed with smoke, then challenged before entering, then guided back to the person acting as oracle. Since I have been doing oracle work for over a decade I volunteered to serve in the temple as needed, which meant taking a shift each day it was offered. I admit that I underestimated how difficult that would be to do for extended periods of time, three days in a row, on top of everything else I was doing but since it seems to have been a valuable service to the community (based on people's comments later) I am glad that I chose to do it. 

Day 2:

I woke up painfully early Saturday morning, but there was a silver lining - while I was wandering around killing time before breakfast I ran into Segomâros Widugeni, one of my favorite humans and an all around interesting person to talk to. Which led to an hour and a half long conversation about everything from Gaulish deity names to the possible influences of Neolithic Irish pagan beliefs on the Irish Celts. I had an absolute blast talking to him, because it isn't often I can let myself full on nerd-out about my interests without feeling like I am horribly boring whoever is stuck talking to me. I think we could have talked for hours more, but as it was bacon is a prime motivator and breakfast called. 

Immediately after breakfast I had a class on dealing with non-human spirits. It was scheduled in the smaller pavilion but it was quickly apparent that, 9 am or not, there were going to be more people than would fit in the space. So in true 'Celtic' fashion we raided the neighboring territory, otherwise known as taking over the larger pavilion (in fairness it was empty as mine was the only class that early). It was a fun class to teach, based on a blog I wrote last year, and hopefully it helped people get at least the basics of what is needed to safely deal with non-human spirits. 

up at 4:30 am on Saturday, admiring the full moon as he hovered just above the trees

My second class that day - and my final one at the Retreat - was 'Geasa, Buada, and Oaths' which discussed what exactly all of those things were in an Irish context, why they were significant to the iron age Irish, and ways that they may still be important today. We spent most of the time discussing geasa, but that probably wasn't a bad thing since its such a hefty topic. I also wanted to offer lots of examples of geasa, how they were acquired, and what happened when they were broken, and that takes time. 

The ritual for Saturday was centered on Macha, featuring the five different Machas that appear in mythology (probably to no one's surprise I had the role of Macha of the sidhe). In the ritual I told the story of Macha, wife of Nemed, and how she cleared the plains, and we as a collective group of ritual particpiants built a small cairn representing our desire to build community in the Morrigan's honor. This was my favorite ritual, and I really hope that other people got as much out of it as I did. 

After ritual there was dinner, conversation, and generally great fellowship. One thing I love about the Retreat is that it offers an opportunity to connect and reconnect with such amazing people. This year there was a lot of laughter and tears, and both felt needed and good. This year I also witnessed someone's personal dedication to the Morrigan in a small private ceremony in the Temple; last year I was honored to help facilitate a baby blessing and I loved that this year we had a dedication ceremony. It makes me feel like in some small way we really are building a community, transient and ephemeral as it may be. Saturday night ended with more time working as an oracle in the temple and then hanging out with some friends.

community built cairn

Day 3:
Sunday, the final day, was really bittersweet this year. It seemed like the time had flown by and suddenly we were in the closing hours. I had oracle duty right after breakfast, and when that was done, in all honesty, I was pretty wiped out and decided to go sit and just relax for a bit. Sunday was also the hottest day of the four, getting into the 90's, and between the two things I chose to sit out the final ritual (the one I wasn't in), which was dedicated to Badb. I feel some guilt for missing it, but on the other hand I'm fairly sure I'd have passed out standing in the sun for it so I think it was probably the better choice. Someone going face first into the turf (or river) is not the way to end a great Retreat. Instead I bartered several of my books for a massage from the fabulous massage therapist onsite, because people keep telling me how great this whole self care thing is supposed to be.

I spent the final day then simply being with people, talking to anyone who wandered by where I was sitting in the main hall and wanted to talk. I am an introvert by nature, and I usually feel really socially awkward in the best of circumstances but by Sunday I had hit that zone where I was actually feeling comfortable - or maybe delirious. People who had lingering questions from my workshops, people who had random questions that they thought I might be able to answer, and people who just wanted to chat; friends and new faces. I even got over my own self-consciousness enough to ask my friends for pictures of us together before we all left. In retrospect it seems like the perfect note to end on; fellowship and friendship.

Another view of the river

The Morrigan's Call Retreat has become a touchstone of my year, and a cornerstone of my public practice as a priest/ess. I came into it this year deeply uncertain about many things, as my own spiritual path has undergone so many changes since Ireland. Yet only once in all of it did I feel strongly prohibited from participating in something, and the Macha ritual especially was deeply meaningful to me. There was a lot of silliness right alongside the deep devotion, spontaneous song parodies as much as serious in ritual singing. There was as much fun as there was effort, as much of a feeling of blessings as of work. I came in wondering if this was something I was meant  to continue doing, as I move away from so many public things and into a more solitary and private practice. What I found here this year was amazing conversations with people that I feel truly honored to know, a sense of intersectionality that I badly needed to be reminded of - and with it a feeling of acceptance and belonging that I hadn't even realized I needed to feel - and a reminder that there is value in community building, even when it feels painfully hard. I found magic and mystery in the smell of peppermint. I heard Her voice in the morning song of the river and of crows. And most of all I saw people coming together in Her name and building, stone by stone, the hope of what honoring Her in community can be.

pre-ritual selfie

Plans for 2018; Ireland and Iceland

I've had a lot going on lately, some of which I've written about here. One thing I think I haven't discussed yet is that next year is going to be a big travel year for me; I'm not planning to do many events or conferences but I do have two bigger trips planned.

The first, 'Bealtaine; Kindling the Flame of Devotion', will be happening in April and May of 2018. It's a sacred sites tour of southwest Ireland which I am doing with Stephanie Woodfield and Land Sea Sky Travel. I'm very excited to be teaming up with them again after our Morrigan Sacred Sites tour which went so well in 2016. We'll be going to the Burren, Lough Gur, and the area around the Beara Peninsula and we have some fun things planned to celebrate Bealtaine while we are there. We are also fortunate enough to have Lora O'Brien as our guide for part of the trip, which will offer people an amazing chance to learn from Lora in person. And for this trip we are offering a special scholarship opportunity for people who might not otherwise be able to go on the trip.

I'm very excited to be going back to Ireland again, and especially to have a chance to visit the southwest, an area that doesn't get as much sacred sites tourist attention as other areas seem to. There is a lot of rich mythology in that area, particularly relating to Goibhniu and the Cailleach, but we also see a range of stories about other deities and about many of the daoine sidhe.

Later in September of 2018 I'll be hopping a plane again, this time to go to Iceland, which will be a first for me. I'm teaming up with the always amazing Land Sea Sky travel and the fabulous Cat Heath to present 'Hiddenfolk, Witches, & Elves: A Pagan Pilgrimage Through Iceland's Magical Landscape'. I have long been fascinated by the folklore and mythology of Iceland, and my own approach to Heathenry is decidedly Alfatru based so I'm really looking forward to getting to see and feel the land there. I've known other people who have gone to Iceland on trips but I'm not aware of any other Sacred Sites tours so I can't wait to experience everything there.

2018 is going to be a busy year for me, but I'm looking forward to it. As someone who has never before done much international travelling having two trips like this seems like a rare and wonderful opportunity and I intend to make the most of it. I'll certainly write about my experiences here on my blog.