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Friday, November 23, 2018

Evolution of My Spirituality

I was asked on social media to talk a bit about my personal practice, so I thought a short blog about it would be a good approach. I've been pagan now for nearly 30 years and in that time my approach to everything has changed drastically more than once so its interesting to answer this question now, knowing what I say will be different than what I would have said 10 or 20 years ago and what I might say 10 or 20 years from now.


When I first started out in this spirituality I was very young and mostly modeling my practice from what I could glean out of available books. The result was a very stylized, formal, and rigid structure. At first I would follow a book exactly to make sure I was doing it correctly, dog-earing pages so I could flip between sections as I performed each part of a ritual or spell. Later as I shifted into a more reconstructionist approach I became more comfortable innovating but I carried forward a sense that a good ritual or even spell needed formality and rigidity. This was exacerbated as I joined Druidic groups which also focused on very formal, complex ritual structures. When I later began exploring Heathenry I was introduced to the idea that ritual could be simple and effective and this led me into a deep dive on older ritual structures including Celtic cultural feasting practices which were very eye opening for me*. In turn this influenced my personal approach to witchcraft and the Fairy Faith.

Ironically as I began to see the value and power in simplified ritual and to understand why we did each part of the structure - and so what in my own practice of it was actually essential and what wasn't - I ended up returning to a closer approximation of what I had done when I was much younger before I had stumbled across the idea of formalized spirituality at all. Nonetheless when I wrote down the outline of my own witchcraft practices in my book in 2013 I kept a slightly more formalized approach in there knowing that such structure had been comforting and necessary to me at one point and that especially when I'd been starting out on my path connecting my witchcraft to Fairy that more formal structure had its value. I mention that here because while I don't personally follow the same approach anymore I do still think that's a good place for people to begin, especially if they are coming from neopaganism more generally, and that aspects of that structure offer a level of safety my current approach does not.

At this point in my life my own magical work and spiritual practice is more spontaneous and fluid. I do love having set holidays to celebrate and I think holidays and holiday traditions are very important both in passing on beliefs and in creating connection between us and the Other (or Gods, spirits, ancestors, seasons, or what have you). Previously my holiday schedule was fairly reconstructionist in nature but as those who follow my blog and Patreon know that has recently been changing as I feel my way to a new cycle. Exciting times.

My approach to the rituals themselves is fairly simple and organic for the most part and usually just involves casting a compass with fresh water opening the rite and creating a space between worlds, calling in the spirits, making offerings, speaking to the spirits as needed, doing divination as needed, finishing with more offerings (think of it like welcome gifts and parting gifts), asking for peace between myself and whatever showed up as I say goodbye, then returning the space to its former state. I use this structure for holidays and for dark moon rituals although for dark moons I may also include meditation or journeywork. For spells or magic I would only go to those lengths if I was doing something major. Usually magic is a matter of simple actions and words, often involving yarn or fire.

I do have set things I say or repeat in these rituals and spells because words have power and repeated words gain power over time in my opinion. I'm a collector of old folk spells and charms and I also write my own and use them over time, and as well I've had things come to me in dreams or visions that I use. I also will use spontaneous speech when needed so not everything is old, traditional, or something I've been using for years. Sometimes the most powerful magic can come from words uttered in the moment when magic is being cast.

Daily practices are also generally simple and include small offerings and focused awareness. Focused awareness is a state of mind I try to have where I pay attention to potential omens, messages, just basically try to listen more than I talk if that makes sense. Talking to the spirits is easy but listening isn't always something people think to do, not really, so I have found it helpful to make an effort to throughout the day no matter how chaotic or hectic it is. And yes I often end up doing this in places like the bathroom, or while I'm cooking, or out walking, or while everyone else is watching tv. I make note of my dreams and if I remember them I write them down, as I believe that some dreams are actually the spirit wandering out and should be treated as real. I try to engage on some level with the beings who I feel are my allies or friends (if you will) as often as possible. I pay attention to the Otherworldly things I might See or experience and try to note patterns or trends as well as work, daily, to keep things in my general area and home smooth with Them.

I'm not trying to say any of this is easy, its not, and I want to emphasize here that this is distilled practice after almost three decades so please don't anyone use me as a measuring stick - there's many ways I could do better and things I've gotten pretty well dialed in now. I also, I've mentioned in other blogs about my particular fairy priestessing, don't necessarily recommend my personal path to anyone. Certainly the wider tradition of blending witchcraft with fairywork I do recommend which is why write about it, but the specific dedication and service to Themselves I advise caution with as it is consuming. I think some of that is reflected in my daily practices and I'm not even getting into the details of dietary things or personal taboos.

So this is where I am currently at with my personal practice. I feel like every change has helped me grow closer and deeper into my work and I am glad for that. In many ways I wish that I didn't have to stumble along creating this as I go but I have tried many other traditions along the way - and learned a lot from each experience - and I have never found anything yet that is suite right for what I'm looking for except what I do myself. My witchcraft isn't something that fits well in the ceremonial magic structure or the neopagan one that comes from it, its far closer to early modern witchcraft. My spirituality isn't easily fit into CR, Irish-focused neopaganism, or Heathenry although it looks to all three. My focus on the Good People is something I've only found, minus the religious overtones, in the traditional beliefs of Ireland and those people who were once known to be away with the fairies. Which leaves me with no choice but to forge ahead as best I can.

And so I do. And I change and grow and try to learn and do the best I can to honour the Other and to serve Them, and to preserve and continue the traditional beliefs respectfully.

I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, or even perhaps 5 years ago, and that is alright. As the saying goes that which isn't growing is dying. I'm sure I contradict things I've said and opinions I've had before, do things now I probably once told other people never to do, and that's also alright. To quote Walt Whitman: "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.". Opinions change, people change, and we should never be afraid to acknowledge that.
I'm not the same person I was even 2 years ago - I went into the sidhe at Cruachan and I came out a different person, I stood on Tlachtga surrounded by fires and walked away a different person.
And I've learned to love the person I am now.




*I highly recommend Lady With A Mead Cup by enright for more on this

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Celebrating a New Holiday

When I was in Iceland I had an intense personal experience, shared with several friends, which later had me reassessing the way that I approach celebrating holidays and the entire cycle of holy days in the year. This has led me to trying an experimental year where I am celebrating times that are especially in sync with the Pleiades because I believe these times are more important to the Othercrowd than I had previously realized. The first of these dates was on yesterday, 21 November, a time when the star cluster culminates or is at its highest point in the sky at exactly midnight. I had designed a ritual to honor this specific time which I had share don my Patreon recently. Last night I went out and celebrated it.

Full moon over Eyjafordur in Iceland 9/2018
Going out under the November sky last night in America was strongly reminiscent of being out at night in Iceland for me. It was unusually cold and windy, the air having that sharpness that it gets when the temperature is a good amount below freezing.

I had intended to make offerings of honey cakes which I have used before on major holidays but there was an odd amount of apple synchronicity going on during the day so after some divination work I ended up making an apple spice cake instead. There seemed to be a very strong apple theme all around which is something I will certainly keep in mind next year. As it was I moved out into the darkness of the late night carrying fresh water and apple cake to offer, searching the sky for the blue glow of the Pleiades. Since the full moon was also high in the sky I had some trouble finding the stars but I did eventually locate them and I set up in what I felt was a good spot.

I cast my compass using some of the water, not for protection but asking that the way between worlds be opened. I spoke the beginning portion of the ritual, inviting in the Otherworldly powers, and froze as the sound of bells and uncanny music floated on the wind. It was unnerving; the last time I'd heard anything like that when the Slua Sidhe was nearby and I can't quite put into words the way it makes you feel terrified and thrilled all at once. I stood my ground and went on to the next part trying to ignore the sound of shuffling footsteps in the leaves around me. After that section I did pause again to make sure there weren't any animals nearby as I wasn't eager to be surprised by - or surprise - any local wildlife. Suffice to say that it wasn't wildlife making the noises so I continued on with the rest of it.

At the very end as I was closing up there was a particularly large gust of wind then everything went very still. It felt good in that moment, the whole ritual felt good if a bit wild and certainly eldritch in the old sense.

My husband would tell me later that while I was outside our entire house shook in a way that made him think a branch had fallen on the roof although there was no accompanying noise with it and no damage or sign of anything amiss today. I had strange dreams last night and today has been an interesting day overall but again nothing bad just a bit more intensely Otherworldly than usual.

We are finishing out our new holiday celebration with a feast incorporating apples in as many ways as I can manage. Some of this will also be left out as an offering of course.

Overall I feel that this was successful and intend to celebrate it again next year. Now I will start thinking about what the next logical holy day would be and how to approach that one.

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

The Chilling Adventure of Sabrina - One Witch's Thoughts

Netflix recently released a new series, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, based on the comic book series of the same name. I don't generally get into television much but I decided to give this show a try for three reasons: it's a sort of spin off of Riverdale which is one of my oldest child's favorite shows, pre-release buzz said there'd be a non-binary character in the show, and the previews seemed to depict an intriguingly dark story (I love horror). It came out on 26 October and had 10 episodes.

So, first a bit of content warning. The show is firmly in the horror genre in my opinion and it has graphic violence that might be upsetting to some people. This includes hanging/lynching, throat slitting, suicide, and cannibalism including of a child. There is also a fairly graphic autopsy scene, and some bullying of a gender non-conforming student which includes physical assault.

The premise of the show is that the main character, Sabrina, is a half witch and half mortal who is supposed to fully commit to the witch side of her nature but doesn't want to give up her mortal life and friends. In the show witches are clearly defined as supernatural beings who live much longer than humans and have supernatural powers, taking them out of the realm of reality and into fantasy. In this aspect it reminded me of some urban fantasy I have read. The witches in Sabrina's world are not in any way pagan or neopagan witches but are based solidly in Christian mythology, fashioned from historic diabolism and theistic Satanism with some early modern witchcraft elements, which I liked. The course of the season follows Sabrina's life as she struggles to deal with this conflict, while being pressured to conform to her family, manipulated by outside forces to follow a certain path, and while she is trying to hide her secret from her friends while also trying to help them in various situations.

The show is set in a timeless period that evokes earlier America of the 50's through 70's without quite being specific. It is styled well and has a great soundtrack which is one of the best I've heard for being perfectly fit to the mood and feel of the show. It also isn't afraid of humour, both subtle and more obvious, and there's a lot of popculture and comic references worked in. The show more generally has a macabre and snarky humour to it that I really appreciated and doesn't seem afraid of mocking itself or the topics its featuring. I particularly love the little idioms the witches use that reflect their own culture yet are mirrors of the dominant Christian one they are clearly created to reflect, darkly as it were.

Before we get further into why I like the show let's look at a few cons. There are a few scenes that include partial nudity of the actresses which I did not like in a show where we are supposed to believe these characters are 15 and 16 year old children. I'm well aware the actors are all over 18, but the idea that they are playing younger teenagers still bothered me in context. It was unnecessary. I also felt like naming the school's women's group W.I.C.C.A. was unnecessary and while I'm sure it was supposed to be some sort of joke I found it annoying especially in context. Generally the special effects were good but there are points where they are so bad it's obvious, such as the apple trees (in full flower and with barely any apples, during apple picking supposedly in late October?). There are also a couple plot holes that really nagged at me, I don't want to post spoilers, so I'll only offer this small example: how is there a list of well known familiars and named familiars in books if they die when their witch dies? Finally there are some glaring mispronunciations including Samhain and Macha, which I would have expected to be correct in a production like this.

So that's some of my criticism. You'll notice I'm not criticizing the Satanic/Diabolic elements and that's because those things don't bother me. Firstly because its framed as clearly fantastical - I mean seriously people come back from the dead - and I give fantasy a freer reign in creating its world. Secondly though and just as importantly because those elements, at least the ones that aren't pure fiction or commentary on fundamentalist religion, are based on history and folklore. The idea of witches marks that don't bleed? The idea of blood pacts with Satan? Cannibalism? Those really are from historic witch hunting texts and accounts of diabolism. There are witches who worship Satan as the fallen angel who challenged the Christian God and who follow a real world religion based on what is shown in the show, minus the murder and mayhem. There are other aspects that reflect early modern witchcraft and practices that people who identify as witches today may still engage in. 'Goblins' (aka fairies) as familiar spirits who take animals shapes to aid the witch? Blood pacts with spirits? Cursing ones enemies? All things we find in history and folklore.

In fact the show includes quite a lot of genuine folk magic and folklore which was a nice change from most witchy tv that's pure made up nonsense. I loved seeing all the yarn magic. Without the horror aspects the magic and witchcraft here is closer to my own than anything in Charmed or Bewitched and I honestly enjoyed seeing it, seeing a tv witch using eggs to divine if a curse was placed, and using protecting charms, and looking to little folk omens to foretell the future. I get that the witchcraft in this show isn't everyone's cup of tea, but quite frankly - just like tea - witchcraft is too diverse for any one flavor to please everyone. I don't get into the Satan worship or diabolism for myself (I take my tea without sugar) but I loved seeing the early modern witchcraft aspects and the folk magic. I also quite enjoyed the Latin and the occult references that are worked in.

Now as to what I liked. The cast is very diverse, and the show really emphasizes women and women's power. There's a refreshingly good number of people of color and particularly women of color in the show and two of these are significant and powerful characters (Roz and Prudence). The show embraces various expressions of sexuality from the expected heterosexuality to pansexuality and queerness which I loved; it even touches on monogamy and polyamory. There is one character who struggles with their gender identity and we get to follow that struggle through the episodes, as they slowly seem to embrace who they are. It challenges ideas about free will and choice in our lives and questions what it means to be a good person in an ambiguous world. In making the witches and their Church of Night just as rigid and religious as any Christian fundamentalist the show makes some very good commentary on the dangers of blindly following any tradition for its own sake and of trusting a higher power or authority figure that has its own agenda. The story arc is strong and builds well over the episodes and I think that the characters themselves are well developed within what is a fairly short amount of time. But most of all I loved the message - verbalized in the final episode - to "own your power" because that is something we all need to hear right now.

I'll finish this out by saying, for those of you who have watched the show - my two favorite characters are Ambrose and Hilda ;)

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Rabbit Bone Divination - Developing a System


I little while I go I started feeling a nudge to create my own divination system with bones. I was driving home and the idea came to me, and I tried to push it aside because it seemed too complicated for me to take on right now, but the idea just kept lingering. I kept getting the idea of using rabbit bones* for this purpose and it just wouldn't go from my mind. I finally asked for some kind of omen and as I crested a hill a wild rabbit hopped into the road in front of me; I slowed and the rabbit looked right at me before slowly hopping back the way he'd come. My feeling with this was that he was trying to get my attention, but I wasn't totally clear on the purpose so I risked asking for clarification - and turned a corner only to have a second wild rabbit run next to my car in someone's yard for about 30 feet before breaking off.
To me this was a definitive sign that I should pursue this new divination method, even though I was very uncertain about how it would actually work.

I took a leap of faith and started moving forward with the project. I got a selection of small rabbit bones (from the feet) and I put them on my altar. I sat with them and meditated on how this should functionally work. My feeling was that it would be a system involving throwing bones down on a cloth, but nothing else was really coming to me for it. I decided that a good approach would be to ask for a bit of assistance.

Last night before I went to bed I repeated three times:
"Coinín, coinín, coinín
Speak to me truly
Coinín, coinín, coinín
Tell me what I need to know"



I woke up with the image of bones being shaken and thrown down in my mind, and these words:
"One for fate
Two for chance
Three for loss
Four for romance
Five for life
Six for death
Seven for the Fair Folk
Who steal your breath
Eight for dark
Nine for light
Ten for aid
Eleven for spite
Twelve for health and
Blessings felt
Thirteen for fate
Yet undealt."

Each line, to me, represents a specific possible answer to a person's future although I also think this charm could have other uses**. What I gained from this was the idea to use thirteen bones and throw them down onto a small cloth marked with a circle and then look at how they fall and how many fall within the circle. I will chant the charm before I throw the bones.

Meditating on this later today I also got the impression to burn one side of each bone, so that one side would be dark and the other plain. This could be used for yes/no questions or other points where clarification is needed as well as to indicate the overall tone of a result.


*I am using roadkill bones for this purpose. My general preference with bones is to use those that are found rather than, shall we say, otherwise acquired.
**another obvious use is as a simple omen where anything that appears in numbers would be counted and the count compared to that line of the charm