A Prayer to an Cailleach During Storms

Cailleach, Lady of Winter,
Winter of hard snow,
Snow driven by wind
Wind roaring, fierce,
Fierce Hag, I pray to you
You, who can be gentle
Be gentle to my home
My home and my family
My family and little children
Children who offer to you
You, Cailleach of Winter,
Winter hard and cold
Cold kept back by warmth
Warmth that we share
Share what we have with you
You, who can be gentle
Be gentle with those
Those who offer in your storm
May your storm pass us by
pass us by unharmed

The Morrigan and Plans for 2015

   I'm sure many of you would rather see more translation here, and don't worry I'll get some more done soon. I'm working on a new manuscript at the moment which is taking up some time, but hopefully next week I'll get to some of the other fun untranslated bits of the Cath Maige Tuired...
  I dreamed last night of the Morrigan, and this morning I was asked to do a workshop about her (them) next month so I thought it might be good to offer a short blog today just outlining some of this year's plans, where I'll be and what I'll be doing.
  I'm going to Pantheacon next month which is a very exciting first for me. I'll get to meet a lot of awesome people and spend time with some friends, including Stephanie Woodfield who is dragging me out there with her (I haven't been on a plane since I was 10 years old). It will be an adventure. While I'm at the con I'm going to be doing an informal workshop in the ADF hospitality suite, on Friday at 4, about the Morrigan in different myths. I'm really looking forward to it and think it will be a lot of fun, and I'm honored to have been asked to do it. So if you happen to be at Pantheacon and in the mood to hang with some Druids and talk Morrigan, come check it out.
  In June I'll be at the second annual Morrigan's Call Retreat teaching a workshop or two and helping with rituals. Last year was amazing and I'm sure this year will be even better. We have Jhenah Telyndru from the sisterhood of Avalon as a speaker and Mama Gina as a musical guest, as well as the usual suspects and some new faces.
   At the end of October I'll be participating in Seeking the Great Queens: a Sacred Sites Tour in Ireland. It is a sacred sites tour focusing on sites associated with the Morrigan and her mythology and includes celebrating Samhain at Tlachtga. There will be workshops, discussions, and rituals, and I have no doubt it will be a once in a lifetime experience.
   It's going to be a busy year, and very Morrigan-focused, but I'm excited about it.

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015

  Last year was a very busy one for me. I had four books published - Fairy Witchcraft and Pagan Portals: the Morrigan through Moon Books and the first two in my urban fantasy series Murder Between the Worlds and Lost in Mist and Shadow (self published); I also had pieces in three anthologies this year. I wrote for the blog as well as guest blogging on Raise the Horns, and writing articles for journals and e-zines, including one for Goddess Pages on the Morrigan. I taught at ADF's Wellspring, at the Morrigan's Call retreat, CT Pagan Pride Day and the Changing Times, Changing Worlds convention. And I had the always fun experience of being a guest on the podshow the New Normal as well as appearing on another podcast, Main Street Universe, where I talked about Fairies. I ventured into the new and interesting world of translating older Irish manuscript material, which I've really been enjoying (and look for more of that soon). And of course in between all those shenanigans was Real Life with children and grocery shopping and bills.
   Now we are heading into to 2015. I had genuinely intended to make this year a quiet one, but it doesn't look like that is meant to be. My next novel, the third in my urban fantasy series, is coming out at the end of this month, and I have a piece I am writing for another anthology. I have several other book projects in the works as well as articles coming out in the next issues of Air n-Aithesc, Pagan Dawn, and Goddess Alive. I'm attending Pantheacon for the first time this year, and am already scheduled to teach workshops at a spiritualist church, at the second Morrigan Calls retreat, as well as on a Morrigan Sacred Sites tour of Ireland, and tentatively at CWPN's Harvest Gathering.
  I do plan to keep up with the blog, including continuing with my translation efforts. Hopefully I will be back to my regular blogging schedule now, but I wanted everyone to understand that as my non-blog writing has increased - and as real life demands have taken a lot of my attention - it has gotten harder to give the blog the attention I want. I'd rather not write at all than write when I don't have time to cite sources and give it the quality it deserves.
  As we move into the new year my goal here, for the blog, is to find a balance between more academic entries and more experiential entries. And to get back on my twice-a-week schedule. So happy new year to you all, and stay tuned. 

Yule 2014

 I've mentioned before in other December blogs that I celebrate Yule as a Heathen holiday with 12 days of celebration. This year is proving quite challenging and hectic, but since editing the new novel has my blogging limited I thought I'd touch on how yule is going.
   We began our celebration this year on Sunday the 21, the day of the official solstice, by waking up to a gift exchange. Santa, you see, comes to our house on the solstice (it helps thin out his schedule for his busier night). We woke this year to falling snow*. The kids decided to get up extremely early so the adults were sustained by coffee. And bacon. A good time was had by all, and that afternoon we made gingerbread cookies. Dinner was a feast of ham and orange colored vegetables, some of which were offered to the house spirits. Later we did a small ritual in honor of some of the wights and held a vigil for the returning sun.
    Monday the 22nd the clouds  cleared briefly in the morning and the new sun shone down bright and glorious before the cloud cover closed back in. On that day we honored Frau Sonne with a small ritual and offerings in praise of her return. We lit our Yule log and let the candles burn out.

   Today, the third day of Yule, we choose to honor the Wilde Jagd (Wild Hunt) which rides this time of year. It is believed that the Hunt rides especially when storm winds blow and tonight my area is getting a Nor'easter - so truly the Wild Hunt is riding tonight here. Offerings will be made tonight that they pass us by unharmed. 
   Tomorrow we will honor our house spirit with an offering of porridge and butter. We also have a family tradition with the children of watching a movie (Polar Express) and having popcorn and hot chocolate and the house spirit will receive a portion of everything. 
  On the 25th we celebrate Mutternacht, Mother Night, by honoring Frija and the Idises. Most Heathens today celebrate Mother Night on the eve of the solstice, but we use Bede's reckoning as given here:

Incipiebant autem annum ab octavo Calendarum Januariarum die, ubi nunc natale Domini celebramus. Et ipsam noctem nunc nobis sacrosanctam, tunc gentili vocabulo Modranicht, id est, matrum noctem appellabant: ob causam et suspicamur ceremoniarum, quas in ea pervigiles agebant.  (Moreover at the beginning of the year by the 8th calendar day of January**, when we celebrate the birth of our Lord. That night which we hold sacred, they used to call by the Gentile*** word Modranicht, that is, Mother's Night, we suspect because of their ceremonies, as in accordance they kept vigils) So we celebrate Mutternacht on December 25th by honoring and offering to the "mothers".     On December 26th we honor the spirits of the land. We also cleanse and sain our property, first by walking the boundary with fire and then by scattering a small amount of salt. This is also the anniversary of our kindred's founding in 2006 so we usually get together to celebrate Yule as group on this day, although this year due to scheduling we are meeting on the 28th instead.    On December 27th we honor our ancestors with offerings and stories. A white candle is lit for them.   On December 28th we honor Oski - Wodan as the Wish-giver. Small gifts are exchanged and offerings are made to him, and a small ritual is done. Omens are taken for the year to come.    On December 29th we honor Frau Holda as the leader of the Wild Hunt, with Wodan, and as the protector of children's spirits.    On December 30th we honor the Hidden Folk, specifically the perchten and huldufolk who travel with Perchta and Frau Holda.    On December 31st we honor Berchta. Offerings of fish and porridge are left out. We ask her for her blessing in the coming year, especially for good health, and we thank her fo rall her blessings in the year that is past.    This may seem like a lot but it really isn't. It's just a little each day and much of it is really fun, especially because of the children. The 12 days are hectic, but they go by quickly and everyone enjoys them.

* Frau Holle shaking her blankets out! A good omen in my opinion
** by the Julian calendar the 8th day of January would have shifted back on the Gregorian calendar to roughly December 25th, which is why Bede refers to it as the night they celebrate the birth of Jesus.
*** Gentile is often translated here as Heathen or Pagan but the actual word given is gentili so I have preserved the closer meaning.

Reference
Giles, J (1843). The Complete Works of the Venerable Bede

more NaNo

 I am once again doing National Novel Writing Month this year and attempting to write the third novel in my trilogy. I may have been a smidge ambitious this time since I only just finished the second one and am, in all honesty, a bit burned out. However I'm soldiering on to get the first draft done. In the 25 days of NaNo I've written a bit over 54,000 words towards what I expect to be between 100 - 120,000 when its done. So I'm about halfway there. It's been taking a lot of my attention though and as with last November the blog is suffering a bit.
  As usual with my novel writing I've been posting little word count & blurbs on Facebook as I write so I'd like to share them here for anyone who might be interested.
this is the synopsis for the third book from the NaNo site:
There is far more going on in the small town of Ashwood than anyone realizes, and Allie Mccarthy, like the town itself, is caught between mortal earth and Fairy, with treachery on both sides. Allie is struggling to pick up the pieces as the police investigation into a series of ritual killings contniues to wreak havoc in her life. She has lost one friend to a serial killer and seen another shot trying to protect her as the people behind the rituals work to get her out of the way. Meanwhile her own empathic gift - which may be the key to stopping the killings - is controlling her more than she controls it. In seeking training for her gift Allie may be forced to accept that defining good and evil isn't as simple as she wants it to be. Facing betrayal at the deepest level and with her own life hanging in the balance, this time Allie has to be sure that the conspiracies are rooted out and stopped, once and for all. No matter what the cost. 

Book 3

8,659 words - book 3 begins, picking up the pieces where the last book left off. My protagonist is still facing more than one challenge but she's realizing that the only person who ultimately may be able to save her is herself.

11,295 words - my protagonist is trying to convince the human and elven police to work together, because she's sure that's the only way to figure out what's really going on. Will the joint task force be re-formed?

Meanwhile there's still a conspiracy afoot, a killer who has gone entirely off the rails, and trouble from the past that my protagonist definitely won't see coming.

17, 476 words - nothing complicates a love triangle like a marriage proposal from one person and the other taking a bullet for the one he loves. My protagonist's love life is starting to look like Celtic knot work, despite her best efforts to untangle it (and no this isn't that kind of story exactly, that's just how messy life can be sometimes).

Meanwhile we have part of a plot uncovered - and gremlins, oh my! - and an antagonist who may be willing to do anything to protect someone she cares about, even if that means hurting the person herself.

21,144 words - negotiating with elves, take two. Has my protagonist learned anything from the results of the first attempt? Lets hope so because this time the consequences will be very personal....

24,041 words - the killer has slipped his leash and is killing now for fun as much as for a purpose, making him far more dangerous. The bodies are piling up, but can the re-formed joint task force recognize the clues when they find them?

32,200 words - my protagonist is trying to get her out of control ability under control with some training from a very interesting teacher (the great aunt of our entertaining ceremonial magician). But sometimes learning control means accepting things about yourself that you really don't like...

40,100 words - my protagonist has dodged a dagger from an unexpected source, and our intrepid kelpie has ridden to her rescue. Unfortunately she may now prove just as useful to those she trusts as bait to catch those lurking in the shadows as she does as a hound tracking the killer...

43,148 words - our killer has struck again, taking one life and ravaging another, but this time the victim fought back and thanks to some timely intervention lived to tell the tale. This could be the essential break in the case if my protagonist can stay strong...or it could trigger my protagonist's own past demons to come back and haunt her....

51,388 words - everyone has their limits. Some people hit those limits and break against them. Some people hit them and get angry enough to start fighting back.

My protagonist is done with running and letting other people get hurt for her. She's ready to start fighting back now.

tolerance and acceptance

  Last weekend I attended the Changing Times, Changing Worlds conference, an annual regional conference on metaphysics in the northeast United States. I've done workshops at the conference 4 out of the 5 years its run and I really enjoy attending. This year was no exception, with many good workshops and panels as well as excellent conversations with both attendees and other presenters.

   One of the most interesting panels I saw was "When is it okay to tell someone they are wrong?". The five panelists discussed various scenarios within the pagan community where someone was either publicly lying or falsely claiming things, such as experience or titles, and how they might each deal with the situation. I was surprised by the number of responses that advocated kind private interventions and mentoring to handle people making such claims. There was also a strong emphasis on accepting that wrong didn't include different, and that we as a community needed to be more open and accepting of varieties within traditions and practices. In other words there is no one correct Wicca, no one true witchcraft, no exact Reconstruction, so it is foolish to have so-called witch wars over differences in approach and method. I found that while I didn't agree entirely with everything that was said I did walk away with a lot to consider.
   One of the nuances that I think is consistently missed in the wider community is the difference between tolerance and acceptance. Tolerance is simply being able to allow or endure the existence of something, including things we don't like and things we disagree with. I can tolerate a lot within the community because I do not expect everyone to practice, believe, and act the way I do. Acceptance on the other hand is agreeing that something is good or suitable. There are many, many things in the pagan community that I do not particularly accept. I do not accept them as either good or suitable beliefs or practices and given a chance I'll usually expound on why. However - and herein lies the crux - I can tolerate what I do not accept. More importantly I should and must tolerate what I don't accept because it is pure ego to think that every single pagan - or even every Irish recon - would or should think and do exactly as I think and do. And I fully expect others to tolerate my practices and beliefs which they do not accept.
   So then, if I am tolerating that which I don't accept when is it okay to tell someone they are wrong? Well, my short answer is usually always, at least in the sense that I think we should all be open to questioning and criticism of what we do. I don't see anything wrong with telling someone I disagree with them, nor I do think that voicing disagreement must always be condemnation or attack. It is entirely possible to say "I don't agree with doing that" in a civil manner.
     I do also think that as a wider community we do need to be willing to speak up about the things that matter, the big things like abuse and fraud, without feeling constrained by a false propriety. This idea that we don't want to rock the boat or be confrontational seems to be so misapplied to me, when we can have huge intergroup issues over someone blowing candles out instead of snuffing them but no one wants to accuse another person of an actual serious crime when they should. That kind of behavior we should never tolerate, and yet we do while simultaneously refusing to accept minor theological differences between traditions that shouldn't even be a concern. I mean why should I care that a group I don't belong to does something I find silly or pointless, or even offensive? Whereas I should obviously care if another group is hurting children or stealing money from people.
    When should we tell other people they are wrong? When they are publicly putting something out that opens up a discussion; when they are making statements of fact; when they are speaking as any kind of authority - then I think we should speak if what is being said is objectively wrong. When it is a question of personal belief and ideas, then it is less telling someone they are wrong and more about engaging in conversations and dialogue and expressing an alternate viewpoint. I'm sure there are many valid reasons for silence as well, especially when its wiser or more strategic not to speak, but I think there is too much of that in many areas. We argue over inconsequential things, but we stay silent over what really matters.
   Accept what you agree with; tolerate what does no harm and doesn't affect you; speak your truth

Celebrating Samhain with a Complex Child

Canann Badb. 
feannóg guth
Garbh agus amh. 
Canann Badb.
Tagann an gheimhridh 
i sioc agus scáth.
Canann Badb

"Badb speaks
a crow's voice
rough and raw
Badb speaks
winter arrives
in frost and shadow
Badb speaks"

I wrote the above poem this morning as I listened to a crow calling to me, perched on a tree outside my window. Today is the beginning of my three day celebration of Samhain, and tonight belongs especially to the daoine maith, the Good People. I've written several times over the years about how my family celebrates Samhain and about the history of the holiday so today I decided I want to tackle a more personal topic, that is celebrating this holiday with a child who has complex medical issues.
  One of the walls I often crash against in the wider pagan community is the inaccessibility of events and rituals for children who have issues, from autism spectrum disorders to physical mobility issues, that require accommodation. We are a community that prides itself on inclusivity, and yet I often see a lack of it towards children in general and specifically towards children who have behavioral or physical challenges. The biggest argument against it seems to be that something important will be lost if we change what we are doing to make it easier for children with different needs to attend. I disagree, and below I will explain how I have modified my own practice to accommodate my daughter. 
     What frustrates me is that it doesn't have to be this way - while it does require compromise and reworking it is not impossible to accommodate families that need it. And I will never believe the Gods, ancestors or spirits are offended by the actions or needs of a child who is doing their best in the moment and only wants to be part of a spiritual celebration. 
   So, to begin with: food. feasting is a big part of most reconstructionist faiths as well as other pagan religions. Allergies are things both adults and children deal with and should not ever be something that is treated lightly. Just because peanuts are your favorite treat doesn't mean it will kill you to skip bringing them to a group celebration, and being around them might just kill someone else. And that's not hyperbole. Let me fill you in on something all parents know - kids don't care about whether eating something will make them sick, if it tastes good they will eat it anyway. My daughter for many years was not allowed to eat gluten, soy, or dairy because of a congenital immune deficiency disorder which made her digestive system very touchy, and chocolate was something she could only have in very small amounts. That never stopped her from overeating things she shouldn't have when she had a chance with predictable results . Kids with allergies are not going to police themselves, especially younger ones, and I get really irritated when adults complain about how unfair it is that they have to skip out on a food they like or are complain about being expected to cater to someone else's allergies. On a related side note, its super frustrating when there is only dish at a pot luck or similar event that a child can eat and everyone else is taking huge servings of it, not leaving enough for that child to eat very much. Shouldn't this be common courtesy? 
   Accessibility. No one ever thinks of this one, and honestly I can only imagine the frustration of parents with children in wheel chairs who are faced with hikes or trips over uneven ground. My daughter is ambulatory but due to a heart condition she tires easily and doesn't have the stamina for long walks, never mind hikes. I can't tell you how often I end up carrying her (luckily even at 6 she's very small, so carrying her is still an option). When we trick or treat on Halloween we plan carefully so that she isn't exhausted by the end. It shouldn't be that difficult to find a suitable site that is easy for people with mobility issues to access. At the Morrigan Retreat this past June we had to change our ritual location to accommodate such a situation and there was no complaining about it ruining things or blaming people for putting everyone else out. We came together as a community and made it work for everyone, once we knew there was an issue. I have a friend who is a sign language interpreter and we have discussed several times the huge challenge that deaf pagans face in trying to find even basic accommodations at rituals and workshops. Whether we like to acknowledge it or not public ceremonies are designed, almost exclusively, for people with 5 functional senses, full mobility, and normal stamina. We really need to start asking ourselves where this leaves all the people who don't have all of those things. Is it that difficult to make what we do truly open to everyone?*
  Finally behavioral issues; this is the one that has caused me to stop bringing my children to most events, in all honesty. I'm not talking here about kids who are destructive or violent and really shouldn't be expected to handle being in a ritual setting without disaster ensuing. I'm talking about kids who can't act their age or who can't focus or stay quiet or still through a ceremony. People have expectations for the behavior of children at certain ages and when your child isn't conforming to that not only is the child assumed to lack discipline but the parent is criticized for being too lenient. And in my experience even explaining that the child in question has a medical diagnoses makes no difference. People come to a spiritual gathering or ritual expecting a moving experience and they do not in any way want to deal with a child who can't be still or quiet. My daughter has a sensory processing disorder that means she is sensory seeking (she touches everything) and also that loud noises and crowds upset her. She has been in occupational therapy since she was a toddler and behavioral therapy since first grade, but these are not things that will ever go away, they are part of who she is. When she was small people were pretty tolerant of her quirky behavior, but as she has gotten older the tolerance has largely evaporated, especially with people who don't know her. I find it unfair to put that expectation of perfect behavior on any child but especially those that have extra challenges with conforming to behavioral expectations. This one is a double edged sword though because I have also had problems with judgment from people (not necessarily at pagan events, but in general) when I have to leave early because my daughter has hit her limit and is on the verge of a sensory meltdown. Children and parents who deal these issues shouldn't feel unwelcome. 
    As a reconstructionist I do not believe this is how our ancestors would have reacted to people who had different needs, not when community was the center of celebration. Babies cry, women need to nurse during rituals (see point one), children fuss, kids need to use the bathroom at inopportune times, and so on. It seems natural that children who have behavioral issues would also be understood as part of the community and while - obviously - extreme disruptions can't be allowed minor disturbances and less than perfect behavior would be tolerated. The community would find ways to make sure everyone possible attended ceremonies, I think. And while food issues may be a more modern thing I know our ancestors made sure everyone, even the poor and beggars, had something to eat on ritual days. 
   

  So, how do we celebrate with my youngest daughter? We start by talking a lot ahead of time about the holiday, because she is very into routine and unexpected things can throw her off. On the first day of Samhain we go trick or treating and when we get home we leave out an offering for the Daoine Eile. The children each choose something to offer from the candy they have gotten. On the second night we honor the Gods by lighting a fire in my largest cauldron. Because my daughter is phobic of the dark we do not do turn out all the lights, although I used to do so before to mimic the ceremony at Tlachtga. I tell the children stories of different events that have occurred in myth on Samhain and often we end up talking more generally about different Tuatha De Danann that interest them. We have a ritual to an Morrigan and an Daghda and make offerings to them, and divination is done for the year to come. Sometimes my youngest daughter stays for the whole ritual, sometimes she doesn't. On the third day we honor our ancestors. An extra place is set at the table and water and food are set out at dinner. We light white candles on our ancestor altar and we tell stories about our beloved dead. My youngest daughter struggles with expressing her emotions so she enjoys the stories of the older dead who she never knew but will usually leave when we talk about the more recent dead. We offer coffee on the altar and leave out something on the doorstep for the wandering dead.

   And that's it. The biggest accommodations we make for my daughter are letting her come and go as she pleases during ceremonies, and letting her sit or play during the ceremonies if she's having trouble focusing, and making sure nothing is too dark or too loud. We also keep each focused ceremony short and to the point because that's easier for her to handle. It's not that hard and while it has changed how I conduct rituals and the flow of my ceremonies I do not in any way feel that I've lost any substance. In a situation where I feel compelled to do something really complex or drawn out I do it by myself but honestly that's very rare. My religion is part of the legacy I want to pass on to my children - all my children - and its important to me that she be and feel included. 

*I do acknowledge that the issue of having an interpreter available is complicated because it is not a common enough skill. Maybe we should all try to learn a little sign language to bridge the gap.