Why I am a Syncretic Gaelic-Heathen Pagan

Patheos has been doing a blog challenge, asking people to answer the question of why they follow the path they follow in 200 words. This is my answer:
   I am a syncretic Gaelic-Heathen pagan because I have seen the Irish and Norse Gods calling to me in my dreams. I have heard the music of the Otherworld dancing on the wind. I have felt the pulse of my ancestors beating underneath my skin. And these things speak to my soul with poetry and mystery in ways that nothing else ever has and that I cannot live without. They are part of who I am.
 The mythology and folk beliefs of those two cultures resonate with me on an instinctive level. They form a holistic whole for my spiritual beliefs which is both comforting and challenging. The Gods, The rituals, the cosmology, the prayers, the magic, all of these are necessary and I cannot choose one culture over the other without losing part of myself in the choosing. In my heart, the two together make sense in ways nothing else does
   That is the core of my religion; reconstructionism shapes it, mysticism and magic create connection with it. It is experiential. It is immanent. It is fluid. Call me a witch, Druid, or seidhrkona - I am all these things - but underneath it all the core remains the same.

Book Review - Druidry and the Ancestors

  I recently read Nimue Brown's book Druidry and the Ancestors: finding our place in our own history. I was intrigued by the book's title but approached reading it with some trepidation as I have felt ambivalent about the work of other OBOD authors in the past. Generally my approach to Druidism is very different from OBODs and while I have great respect for the wisdom and vision of their organization the result is that books by their authors often leave me with strongly mixed feelings. I must admit I was quite pleasantly surprised by this book and found it thought provoking and more than worth reading.
  The author breaks the book down into a look at how we perceive history, the way that viewpoint shapes our ideas about ancestors, and a discussion of the ancestors themselves. She is refreshingly open about her own biases and viewpoints and uses anecdotes to illustrate her points to good effect creating a personal touch to the text. The author is also not afraid to tackle the more difficult or emotional issues of ancestry - including adoption, abuse, and invention - in a direct manner.
   After an initial chapter which defines who the ancestors were and are the second chapter delves into "history as story". I found this section to be profoundly thought provoking as it challenges the reader to look at what we know about history, how we know it, and how our view of it shapes our understanding at the most basic level. The book raises several points that I had never before considered but which will require some profound reflection long after I've put this book behind me.
  Next is a chapter on 'spotting the melons" which encourages critical thinking in reading and offers a list of basic guidelines to sort bad sources from good. The author feels, as do I, that paganism is plagued by bad source material and faulty or outdated facts and tries to educate readers about the pitfalls to be found. Although I felt that some of the examples used were a bit vague, overall the chapter was a great edition to the book. Particularly in Druidism sorting fact from fiction from fantasy is an endless process and discernment is essential.
  Moving on there is a chapter on the importance of ancestors and then several on individual types of ancestors, including ancestors of place and of tradition. I enjoyed the way that a variety of non-blood ancestors were included and that the author continues to challenge readers with new perspectives and ideas. The reality of ancestors whose stories we know well stand side by side with those who we have invented as part of our own narrative, and we are encouraged to value fact as well as myth in building practice. In this book knowing our ancestors is about knowing ourselves, and indeed one of the final chapters, "ancestors of the future", encourages us to look at ourselves as tomorrow's ancestors.
   This book is not a workbook or how-to of ancestor work; in its pages you won't find how to set up ancestor altars or what offerings to make to who. What you will find is an invaluable guide to connecting to your own past, healing broken connections, and how today's Druids are and will be the ancestors of tomorrows spiritual seekers. More than worth reading, more than once.

How We See the Gods

   One of the most basic aspects of paganism may be how we see the Gods. Our Gods, after all, have a concreteness to them that lends itself to imagery. We have myth, folklore, and ancient pagan artwork to pull from as we seek to imagine what our gods look like. We also have modern popular views, such as the many modern Heathens who describe Thor as red-haired. As a Reconstructionist these sources are invaluable, yet they can also be a double edged sword. For myself at least, when I envision my Gods I inevitably think of all these sources in an effort to come up with a correct image. It may produce an accurate result, but it also complicates inspiration and emotion.
   I am trying to take a lesson from my children now. There is a purity to the way that children approach the Gods that adults lose somewhere along the way. My oldest daughter, very unapologetically, has favorite Gods and they show up in her artwork from time to time. I have a drawing that she did when she was 7 of Freya; it shows the Goddess as my daughter imagines her. This is Freya from the heart, without any worry of accuracy or careful details from the lore. Its Freya as my daughter sees her without the filter we adults use for everything. There is a beautiful purity to that, even if most other people wouldn't recognize the Goddess.

Amara's drawing, circa 2011

  Its important to look to the body of myth and belief when we relate to deity, but it is just as important to listen to our hearts. I know that I tend to let my head complicate everything which is why I am trying to find a more balanced approach. Instead of rejecting the little things that pop up in my head - Odin with a hip flask, Freya with a butterfly tattoo - I'm going to try embracing them. I'm going to let my inner voice have its say and see what it comes up with. I may even grab some crayons and have a bit of fun with this. Even if the results are images that have no meaning to anyone but me, I am going to let my inner child have its say. It is so easy to ignore our inner voice when we feel like there is a right and wrong to what we are doing, but that inner voice can add a richness that is lacking in cold hard facts.  

  When you picture your Gods, how do you see them?

A Prayer for the Dying

Death is always difficult for the living to come to terms with, although it is said that to die to this world is to be born into the Otherworld. One thing we, as modern pagans, need more of are prayers for the dying, to help the soul move on and to comfort the living left behind. This is a blessing from the Carmina Gadelica to be said at death. I have modernized it and made it more pagan.  This could work equally well as something said to a dying person as they pass or as something said to those who are grieving during a funeral or memorial service.

Soul Peace 53

Since we know the soul is immortal -
At the time of yielding the life,
At the time of pouring the sweat,
At the time of offering the life,
At the time of shedding the blood,
At the time of balancing the beam,
At the time of severing the breath,
At the time of loosing the soul,
Peace upon the soul’s journey;
As it returns to the land from whence it came,
Peace upon the soul’s journey,
     As it returns from whence it came.

And may Manannan, gentle and kindly,
Lord of the waves and guide across worlds,
Take possession of the beloved soul,
And shield it home,
     Oh! Where it may rest and be reborn again

Thoughts on Boudicca and Hero-cults

"When the going gets tough, the tough channel Boudicca" - T-shirt wisdom

  If you ask me who my favorite historic person is, or which one person in history I'd like to meet, I would answer Boudicca. Ever since I first heard her story I have had a strong affinity for Queen Boudicca and I have adopted the above motto, which I first saw on a t-shirt, as my own approach to difficult times. For those who are unfamiliar with her, Boudicca (alernately Boudica or Boadicea) was the Queen of the Iceni tribe in Britain until 61 CE. Described as a noblewoman, tall, with reddish brown hair and keen inteligence; she was said to wear a multicolored tunic and a golden torc. Her husband, King Prasutagus, had allied with the occupying Romans and had written a will that left his kingdom to his two daughters and the Roman emperor, jointly. He had hoped by doing this to keep his people nominally independent of Rome and to maintain the status quo that existed during his life, however Rome did not acknowledge a woman's right to rule and after his death his will was ignored. The Roman forces took over the Iceni; Boudicca was publicly flogged and her two young daughters were raped. In response to this double outrage Boudicca rallied the Iceni and several neighboring tribes and rebelled against Rome. Boudicca was said to be devoted to the goddess Andraste and as a form of divination before battle she released a hare and watched the way it ran. She succeeded in driving the Romans into retreat and burned several major cities to the ground - including what is now Colchester and London - pursuing the Romans south. Despite these early successes the Romans eventually rallied and met the much larger force of the rebelling Britons.

   Before the final battle Tacitus tells us that Boudicca addressed her gathered forces, saying:

    "This is not the first time that the Britons have been led to battle by a woman. But now she did not come to boast the pride of a long line of ancestry, nor even to recover her kingdom and the plundered wealth of her family. She took the field, like the meanest among them, to assert the cause of public liberty, and to seek revenge for her body seamed with ignominious stripes, and her two daughters infamously ravished. From the pride and arrogance of the Romans nothing is sacred; all are subject to violation; the old endure the scourge, and the virgins are deflowered. But the vindictive gods are now at hand. A Roman legion dared to face the warlike Britons: with their lives they paid for their rashness; those who survived the carnage of that day, lie poorly hid behind their entrenchments, meditating nothing but how to save themselves by an ignominious flight. From the din of preparation, and the shouts of the British army, the Romans, even now, shrink back with terror. What will be their case when the assault begins? Look round, and view your numbers. Behold the proud display of warlike spirits, and consider the motives for which we draw the avenging sword. On this spot we must either conquer, or die with glory. There is no alternative. Though a woman, my resolution is fixed: the men, if they please, may survive with infamy, and live in bondage." - Tacitus, The Annals Book XIV

   Now whether Boudicca actually said any of that or whether it is purely Tacitus's creative idea of what she said, I do not know, but the words certainly resonate and seem to sum up her story, and the Celtic spirit itself. Unfortunately for Boudicca and her people the Romans emerged victorious from the battle and the rebellion was put down. Boudicca herself died shortly after the fight, either from illness or suicide. Her daughters are lost to history, but it is most likely, I think, that they died after the battle.

   It is her fighting spirit that draws me and her willingness to fight for her family and people against the odds. I respect her for being a leader when it would have been easier back down. To me Boudicca is an example of a female historic figure who fought for freedom and for justice and who embodies strength of will. And, of course, I love that she almost drove the Romans from Briton.

   For a little while now - perhaps the last year - I have felt called to honor Boudicca more actively. This feeling has had me contemplating the Greek and Roman idea of the Hero-cult, that is the honoring of historic or mythic heroes as Powers above humans but beneath the Gods. This idea grew out of the older ancestor worship of these cultures and marked a shift from honoring relatives within a family to honoring heroes within a community. I have been thinking about it since I first heard of some people who are celebrating March 17th in honor of Cu Chulainn, after the fashion of a modern hero-cult. The idea of taking a Celtic approach to Greek hero-cults appeals to me very much, but I have no strong draw to Cu Chulainn; on the other hand the idea is perfect as a way to honor Boudicca. 

   Now I admit my understanding of the concept of hero-cults is fairly basic, and so my take on the Celtic version of a hero-cult to Boudicca is as much guess and adaptation as anything resembling historic practice. For one thing, as I understand it, hero-cults usually centered on sites associated with the hero or on relics from the hero, neither of which are options for me since I don't live near Norfolk (England) or have anything directly associated with Boudicca herself. The best I can manage is an artist's rendering of Boudicca, which is itself someone's best guess based on descriptions of what she looked like. I created a small hero shrine to her on my ancestor altar, nonetheless, by placing a candle in front of a ceramic bowl filled with earth from different sacred sites, her image, a goddess-figure representing Andraste, and several branches of a pussy-willow tree (representing - to me - hope and survival). Several times a week I sit before the little shrine and burn the candle, offering some incense, and contemplate the qualities of Boudicca that I respect and how to nurture those same qualities within myself. 

  I have only just started on the tentative path of honoring Boudicca, and I still have several details that are unresolved. I would like to have a special day to honor her, rather as modern Heathens do for several historic Heathens of special note such as Sigrid "the Haughty" or Ragnar Lodbrok, but I haven't decided which day is best yet. Another aspect of the traditional hero-cult that I have not yet worked out in my own practice is the idea of the hero communicating with devotees using signs and omens at the site of their shrine; obviously my little shrine isn't easily adapted for this. I would like to include the use of hares or rabbits for divination/communication perhaps by working up my own system using bones or perhaps by adapting an existing system. Even though there are still details left to deal with, I feel very positive about beginning to honor Queen Boudicca and am confident that I am slowly moving in the right direction.

Hero shrine to Queen Boudicca

further reading on Hero-cults: http://bmcr.brynmawr.edu/2000/2000-12-17.html
http://chs.harvard.edu/wa/pageR?tn=ArticleWrapper&bdc=12&mn=4348

Life, Near-Death, and Close Encounters with Deity

  I've had the blog on a bit of a hiatus as I've been dealing with some intense personal issues. The experiences themselves ranged from awe inspiring to terrifying and I've debated for the last week about how much to talk about here - in the end though I think its helpful to be open about what's been going on and share experiences that might benefit others.
  First for the awe inspiring; two weeks ago my youngest child was born. I knew going into this pregnancy that it would be my last, by choice, and I had tried throughout to make it special. Not that every one isn't special, but there is something bittersweet in knowing from the start that there would be no more. This one was my Beltane baby, and was originally due on Imbolc; I spent the past 9 months researching pregnancy folklore and traditions and trying to cherish each moment. Of course my goal was perhaps unrealistic and I didn't do everything I wanted or planned to do, but I never lost that need to make this one special, to honor my final expression of physical fertility in a way that it deserved. When he was born I was surprised by how sad I felt, knowing that I would never feel those little pregnancy things again. But I also felt relieved, after several weeks of pregnancy complications, that he was here and safe. I held him and I thought of all the experiences waiting for him.
   Now for the terrifying. Within 12 hours of being released from the hospital with the baby I was in the emergency room, unable to breathe. I had gone into congestive heart failure after the birth, a rare but not unheard of complication, and the edema in my lungs was making it impossible to draw a full breath. I can't really describe the feeling, the panic, of realizing how bad it really was. After arriving in the emergency room they placed me on a type of oxygen that uses continuous pressure; I hated it. It was like sticking your head out a car window on the highway. For the first time in a long time I had a panic attack and tried to get the thing off, because I literally thought that I could not bear it, but that only made the doctor decide to sedate me, which I did not want. In the midst of all of this I had what I consider a spiritual experience; I heard a woman's voice telling me to be still and just focus on breathing - when I closed my eyes I saw what I believe was a Goddess. I felt a wave of calm come over me in an almost surreal way, and I allowed the mask to be fastened on. Luckily for me the medications began taking effect and within an hour I was off of that mask and on a regular nasal cannula.
    Once I was in a less desperate way I was transferred to the local hospital, where I was admitted to the cardiology floor. Being as sick as I was didn't matter to me at that time, all I cared about was being separated from my 4 day old baby. It was agony, and I found myself thinking over and over of the story of Rhiannon and how she lost her son. I could not even say the word "baby" without crying. Finally, late that night I decided to be as pro-active as I could, under the circumstances, and make an offering to the Goddess I felt had been helping me. I poured my offering out into the bathroom sink (my only option) and asked Her to help me regain my health and to reunite me with my child. I did not know how either would or could be accomplished, as things were looking rather grim at that point, but I needed the hope that prayer can give us when we have nothing left to look to.
   The answer to my prayer came the next day, on Imbolc, and in a way that I had never anticipated. I was still too sick to leave the hospital but through a series of inexplicable misunderstandings and a minor miracle the hospital arraigned for me to be transferred to the labor and delivery floor so that my child could join me. This was the only way we could be together, and only if both my obstetrician and the L&D charge nurse agreed to the re-admission because the hospital was on a visitor lockdown due to a flu and norovirus outbreak. Yet somehow everything aligned so that it could happen. And I spent the next 3 days of my hospital stay with my child, and my husband who had to stay as well to help care for the baby.
   I have since been released and am recovering at home. My baby is doing well, as are my older daughters, and life is taking on a new normality that accommodates my recovery. Eventually I should recover totally and be back to my usual feisty self; my blog should also return to its usual references and citations soon. The entire experience has definitely changed how I look at my health, and has also created a stronger connection to a deity I had previously only started to research.
   As the motto of my Druid Order says: tada gan iarracht (nothing without effort).

How We Define Ourselves

My february entry for the Hartford FAVs site is up, looking at how we as a community define ourselves http://hartfordfavs.com/faith/clergy-and-congregations/how-we-define-ourselves