Book Review: Ask: Building Consent Culture

 I'm stepping a bit outside my usual book review genres to tackle three books on consent, because I think its a topic that we don't talk about enough and that there aren't a lot of good resources for. 

  I recently read three books written by or edited by Kitty Striker, all of which focus on teaching consent culture. I'll give mini-reviews of each book separately below, but I want to say up front that I recommend these because they really offer a firm foundation to understand what consent is, the nuances around it, how to embrace it in our lives and also how to raise kids with a strong concept of consent. Too often I think we take consent for granted and also think of it as something that only applies or only really matters in sexual situations when in fact consent underpins almost all - if not all - social interactions, often in subtle ways.
So let's dive in. 

Ask: Building Consent Culture, an anthology edited by Kitty Striker 2017
  This book was published 8 years ago and is an anthology featuring 22 essays organized into 7 categories: in the bedroom, in the school, in the jail, in the workplace, in the home, in the hospital, and in the community. While primarily discussing consent in various forms and situations the book also includes a range of excellent material on related subjects including community ethics, fatphobia, and role playing games. The range of material also highlights how embedded sex and sexuality is within the fullness of human interactions, highlighting the way that our bodily autonomy and that of other people intersects with everything else. 
  Particular highlights for me included Porscha Coleman's 'The Political is Personal: A Critique of What Popular Culture Teaches About Consent (and How To Fix It)' which tackles the deep seated effect of ingrained ideas around sex and misogyny impact our culture and normalize dangerous or predatory behaviour and ways to push back against that. Another standout was Cameryn Moore's 'Service with a Smile is Not Consent' which discusses and unravels the idea that specific industries or people are inherently sexual and their career choice implies consent to objectification, and offers some basic guidelines to avoid being creepy to workers. All three of the 'in the home articles' are in my opinion must reads for parents or anyone who regularly interacts with children. Kate Fractal's 'Games, Role Playing, and Consent' touches on issues I've seen myself in both table top and Live Action Role Playing and suggests ways to make these things safer and more fun. Finally Cinnamon Maxxine's ' Trouble, Lies, and White Fragility: Tips for White People' is a must read for everyone, highlighting ways that the power imbalance of race creates problems around consent, because as that author states "...if you don't feel safe to say no, your yes doesn't mean anything". 

Ask Yourself: The Consent Culture Workbook by Kitty Striker 2023
  This book follows up and builds on the previous anthology. It is broken up into four sections each with daily lessons for that week. Week 1 focuses on  what consent culture is and encourages the reader to think about things like what they want to gain from this, what their boundaries are or should be, and what stories have shaped them. Week 2 expands into our relationships with others, building off of week 1's focus on the self, and focuses on some vital questions like how do we hear no and ways consent can be sexy. Week 3 expands out further and encourages exploration of how we engage with our community and dives into complex topics including how we react to crossed boundaries and the complexity of consent. Week 4 wraps up by encouraging reflection on the material and subjects like personal accountability, supporting others, and understanding consent culture.
   The book's format works well in my opinion and while its set up for daily work across a month I think it could easily be adapted to a longer scale for those who want or need more time between each chapter. Everything builds nicely on previous sections which allows for a fairly complex topic to be taken in small pieces. I also really liked that it highlights both our consent as an individual and ways we can strive to respect other people's consent as well. It finds a nice balance between the two, individual and other, that is so important around this subject.

Say More: Consent Conversations For Teens by Kitty Striker 2024
   If you only get one of these three books it should be this one, especially if you are a teen or have teens in your lives. Honestly even if your kids aren't teens yet, read this and give it to them to read if they want to. As a parent of 3, with one young adult, one teen, and one pre-teen I wish this book had existed years ago. It really is essential reading to help kids understand what consent is and why it matters so much, and it manages to find that fine line between being age appropriate reading but not speaking down to its audience.
   This book includes 19 chapters, with two of those broken down into 3 additional sub-sections. It covers everything I would want to see in a book like this, from defining what consent is to suggesting ways to handle violations of consent. I also loved that it discusses the difference between coercion and consent and really digs into boundaries, what they are, how to establish them and how to respond when they are violated. Like Stryker's book Ask Yourself it tackles consent from both sides, that is how to consent and how to respect others consent/autonomy, which are so important for teens navigating the growing complexity of both their own lives and their social actions. 

Ultimately as I said at the start I highly recommend these books, and I'm so happy to see work like this out there in an accessible format.